#''i ended up ranting'' he says. the actual body of the post contains a single word

[cat-madhouse]

Congrats on the systemification

*another one bites the dust plays /silly*

Thanks 👍

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls Season 2, Episode 15, "Lost And Found", Aka The Bracelet Has Breached Containment, Aka BraceletGate, Aka QuarterOnAStringGate, Part 5

We last left off in the eye of the storm...things are seemingly calm after Lorelai left work in the middle of the day to help Luke look for a new apartment, but of course, this being Mid-Season 2, shit's about to hit the fan as it often does in the last 10 minutes of these episodes. (You can find parts 1-4 and all other episodes in my pinned post). Lorelai thinks she has Luke Danes all figured out. LG: You'll meet someone one day. Probably at a Timberland (boots/ flannell/outdoor clothing) store. You'll ask her out, you'll pick her up, take her on a "patented Luke Danes' night of romance". Juice bar, batting cages, then you'll ask her back to your apartment... LD: I'll give you any amount of money if you stop talking. Allow me.

But Luke doesn't give her any money and she keeps going. "You'll lead her upstairs to the apartment door. You pause. Gaze into her eyes. The stage is set. Fate is waiting. You open the door. She sees your teeny tiny apartment. One room and no closet space and Jess' feet sticking up into the air, because you never did get rid of his dead body." (calling back to earlier in the episode where she said no one would notice for weeks if Jess died under a pile of fallen boxes). Why you gotta bring him into this. Leave his poor little feetsies alone. The feets are innocent.

I skipped past the end of A Tisket A Tasket and never took the time to #AdmireTheBaby in his white sockies so let's do that now.

Pictured: The Quarter on A String and veiny arms. He's wearing a shirt with his name on it. Where did he even find a patch that said Jess in Stars Hollow? Who sewed it on? Why are your arms so veiny? By the looks of that old fashioned phone Luke isn't getting internet in his apartment for at least another 10 years. Your watch is so chunky. Who's guitar is that? Can I borrow your hair tie? Why did your hair never look like this again? Me in Jess Mariano Overstimulation:

Okay, where were we?

“…Then, she sees it. The single bed. You know what they say, never ever date a guy who owns a single bed!” Lorelai’s not subtle Luke-Style rant about single beds evaporating Luke’s chances of getting laid any time in the next decade continues for another few moments, until Luke agrees to sign for the apartment just to shut her up and go home. Lorelai’s nagging wields such tremendous power.

Lorelai catches Jess emerging from Rory’s bedroom (Rory's not home, probably still stuck in the unfathomable hell that is watching movies at Dean's house). No doubt our boy here was up to something nefarious. They have a tense exchange of words which Jess eventually manages to okuh his way out of and go on his merry way.

#AdmireTheBaby

From Lorelai’s POV, I can readily admit that it might look suspicious. For once, Lorelai actually has a real reason to be sus and it’s not just her usual unfounded paranoia.

But because she just has to crank everything up to fucking 11, and she just can’t be *normal* about anything, ever, I will not be waving my Lorelai Gilmore Support Flag today. (Dean has one too. Yes, there will be maybe 3-4 occasions in the future where I side with Dean Forrester. Shudder).

Lorelai heavily side eyes Jess, then scans Rory’s room, as if she suspects Jess just got into the fat reserves of cash and valuables Rory keeps under her mattress. But she’s really just looking for a Quarter. Speaking of shady, suspicious characters, we then cut to Taylor intercepting Luke at the market, and find out that naturally, Taylor owns the apartment building where Luke wants to move.

In my horror spinoff titled: The Hollow: Jess Mariano's Revenge, who should snap and mow down Taylor Doose in cold blood first? Jess or Luke? First Taylor sabotages Luke's attempt at moving. He installs a traffic light in front of the diner without informing Luke first. He annexes the diner to build an ice cream parlor. And you best believe I'm definitely missing a few of them. Didn't he even try to open a competing breakfast service across the street or was that purely Kirk's doing? Taylor also has his slimy hands on the PTA, he committs censorship at the video rental store, and other ventures too numerous to remember.

Hallelujah for more glorious filler. Waste as much time as you possibly can, fellas.

Luke's gonna need some of that 75 cent Tylenol right about now.

WIth 10 properties + all the money he embezzles with the weekly festivals and "charity book sales" you would think he's so rich he could move out of Schitts Hollow (!!!), and like, retire to Florida or something, where he could live among his fellow Karens, measuring the heights of the blades of grass on their properties. Just leave everyone else alone. LD: What are you doing, buying up the town? TD: Well, not yet, but someday, who knows? That is truly ominous, but on my gritty Gilmores spinoff titled Schitt's Hollow, big coroprations are going to move in and flatten your 10 properties, including your market. Hello Walmart! (if during the course of production for Schitt's Hollow I can't afford to use the Walmart trademark, I'll just have a meteor flatten the town. Can't go wrong with meteors).

Cause Schitt's Hollow is filled with a bunch of spineless jellyfish. You're our only hope, Luke Danes. LD: You can't tell people what color to paint their buildings. TD: Someone has to. LD: No they don't! We don't live in a fascist country! TD: The fascists had their faults, but their parks were spotless. Oh dear.

They really had Jackson run for office in this show when Luke Danes should be the Mayor (or Town Selectman, or whatever) of Schitt's Hollow. Not that he'd ever want that bullshit job. Can you imagine Luke leading one of the town meetings? DELIGHTFUL.

Oh hey I found Jess Mariano's stunt double on the left.

In that moment, Luke Danes saw God.

Oh no, he didn't just go there. He goes on to explain that even though he's aware Luke has a sentimental attachment to the sign, it will confuse tourists. He wistfully describes his dream of opening an additional property where he can sell collectible plates. All that stands in the way of Taylor Doose's quest for power is a decent human being trying to make a living named Luke Danes. There are no tourists in Stars Hollow. They're just people who took a wrong turn and got lost trying to find something more interesting in Connecticut. Like the Pez Museum.

How Luke Danes has not completely stroked out from the stress of living in Schitt's Hollow, merely halfway into the second season, is simply incredible. His eyeball should be popping out. There should be veins throbbing in his neck. He is remarkably calm. We should all strive to be this calm in the face of overwhelming bullshittery. Please teach me your ways.

Alright, that settles it, in my horror movie spinoff titled Schitt's Hollow: Jess Mariano's Revenge, we're gonna have an uncle-nephew killing spree contest. Whichever relation can mow down the most annoying townies by the end of the movie will reign victorious. TD: It's people like you who keep Schitt's Hollow from being one of America's greatest towns! Luke is .2 seconds away from going nuclear and Taylor finally tucks his tail between his legs and retreats as he throws Luke's apartment application in the trash, sadly ending this entertaining b-plot. This leaves me with another 7 minutes to watch the rotting meat that is BraceletGate.

Okay Jess, you are one helluva slow worker. That gutter is still stuffed to the brim with leaves. The fuck have you been doing all this time?

Going back to my point that every word Jess says is imbued with meaning. That "How thoughtful" was as loaded as the earlier "that's ambitious". I'll call it Gourmet Sarcasm. Rory explains how she wasted her day looking for the QOAS in every place she could think of. What happened to Butthead's Bargain? The one where Rory agreed to watch movies all afternoon with Dean, a sort of torture condemned by most human right commissions? After all that she still had time to look for the QOAS? Maybe Butthead was merciful and released her from her end of the bargain. Allow me to break down some RorySpeak for you. Jess: It was just a bracelet. Rory: He won't see it that way (I'm scared of Dean). Jess: Not like you lost it on purpose. Rory: He'll read something into this (I'm scared of Dean). Things have been weird between us lately (I'm scared of Dean), but you don't care. Not only does Rory expect Jess to have a vested interest in her relationship with her mother but also with DEAN? And she also expects him to feel guilty for not caring enough about these things...? Narrator: Deep in his heart, Jess Mariano did care.

#AdmireTheBaby JM (with a mischevious lilt in his voice): I think you should keep looking. Things you lose are usually right in front of your face. Check the house again. #HintHint

Narrator: Dean Forrester, would in fact, not get over it.

Rory comes into the house to meet Lorelai where they discuss how they've turned the house upside down and looked 1,000 times. Rory is elated to find the QOAS under her bed. After she declares her plans to "celebrate later", she runs off to tell Lane to stop praying for her. Oh sure, millions of children are dying every day, but for some reason God answered the prayers of Lane Kim in Bumblefuck Connecticut who asked him to help her friend find her shitty boyfriend's shittyquarterbracelet.

Lorelai's got that shit-eating grin on her face, the one she always puts on when she's pretending to be happy for Rory but actually she's quietly seething underneath the surface and when her daughter is out of sight she's going to unleash holy hell on someone.

Target acquired. Oh dear. I'm really going to have go into part SIX with 5 minutes left in the episode.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Demon Brothers + Diavolo Doing Dance Workouts With S/O

Okay, so!  On my journey on getting slimmer, healthier and fitter, I’ve been doing Chloe Ting’s workout programs, all free, all really nice to get yourself started and feel a sense of accomplishment. However, I randomly found some pretty neat dance workouts, especially Pamela Reif’s, and I’m in love with the songs she uses, going as far as to make one with only 80s songs, and she included a-Ha’s Take me on, and ahhhh, resonates with my heart so much! Hope you’ll like this little piece of crack and cutesy stuff <3

Lucifer

Lucifer, while yes, he has an amazing body, he seems rather insecure about it, going as far as to use a spell so nobody in his own family would remember how he looked at the beach, so it’s nothing shocking to know that he doesn’t like to exercise when others are around.

However, when he saw how excited you were finding an interesting routine that combined the fun of dancing with workout, he couldn’t refuse you, despite his fear of embarrassing himself or looking less than proper.

Seeing how much fun you’re having, not caring that your face is red, you’re sweating like crazy, and you’re dying of exhaustion, the fact that the songs are good and the workout is pretty refreshing, he feels himself unable to resist smiling at you, and little by little, allowing himself to let loose a bit.

He is a great dancer, we all know it, so he goes all in with all the moves, no matter how sexy or silly, and he LIVES for the way you cheer for him and say how amazing he his.

Poor Luci is going to blush, unable to contain how much you’re boosting his ego and self-confidence.

Clearly, he won’t do any of that around any of his brothers, and will be extra careful so that nobody, especially Diavolo, catched him while he’s dance-working out with you, in fear of them using it as black-mail, posting it on DevilGram or just keeping the content for the future.

Mammon

Mammon frequently workouts because he wants to make sure his body looks good ( he is highly insecure about himself, so he thinks that at least his body should be good, if not him as a person, poor baby ), and he definitely loves having fun at the club, so if you can combine the two things he loves so much, he’s down for anything!

When you told him about your wish to start working out, while doing something fun, because the past routines became a little boring, he asked if you wanted to workout with him.

He was very shy and sweet about asking you that, because he knows that if you used to be sedentary and suddenly decided to workout, he believed it had something to do with insecurities, and he knew very well how anxious and nervous one could be when someone else is in the room with you.

When you accept the idea, he is over the moon with glee, and will find the most fun and cool workouts that the both of you can do together.

You will get tons of cheers and encouragements from Mammon, since he genuinely wants you to be the best version of yourself and learn how to love yourself and who you are, and if working out is going to do the trick, he is going to be a dancing clown for you without a single doubt.

The fact that you’re vibing so much, smiling, despite how difficult and tiring dancing could be, makes his heart melt, because you are so beautiful when you are happy, and he’s just...SO thrilled that he can help you in your journey of self-love.

Leviathan

It’s pretty canon that Levi doesn’t really do anything physically exhausting, only working out when he feels like it, over DevilTube videos, but nothing too exhausting.

Well, unless he wants to learn a new idol or anime dance routine, which is where he goes all in with no regret, not giving a damn about how he can barely stand on his feet, or that he’s sweating a lake.

One day, Levi was playing video games on the console, and you were searching random videos on his Laptop’s DT, and you found some pretty fun dance-workout routines that you wanted to try out.

Realising that they were already viewed, and that Levi was playing a single-player game, you crawled over to him, telling him to stop the game for a second and asking him about them, then suggesting doing some together.

When he heard about you finding about about you wanting to workout out with him, he started blushing furiously, thinking of the worst, until he realised that it meant you would basically learnt he same idol dances he knows, and you could do fun cosplay skits and karaoke, and you would actually know what he’s ranting about, he was in his working out clothes in a beat!

He was so excited and eager to teach you everything he knows, imagining how awesome you would be as a performing duo on a stage, dressed up super flashy and having so much fun while the crowd was cheering wildly.

Levi did ask in the end, albeit veeeery timidly, if you wanted to perform an idol routine with him in his own room, as he has all the best high-tech stuff to make his room look like an idol concert club, and he has the cosplay-making skills, so when you accept, he’s gonna faint from happiness.

Satan

He’s not too shy about working out - He knows he has to balance a working out, eating and studying to have a healthy life-style, so he does at least the bare minimum to keep himself fit.

Satan isn’t the type to tell you what to do, but somehow, the more you stay with him, the more his habits stick to you, so out of the blue, you find yourself doing random, low-maintenance exercises with him...Sometimes while he’s still reading, and you still can’t tell how he can do that.

From the many people he’s acquainted with, he hears about some succubi doing dance-workouts that are pretty entertaining and give you good vibes, so he asked you if you wanted to check out some routines, and choosing the songs you like together, you start doing dance-routines.

Surprise, surprise, it’s actually super fun, and the succubi are great dance teachers, so you and Satan try to sing some of the lyrics, when you’re not too exhausted and panting, or when the song is just too good.

It’s always been obvious that Satan is the domestic type, loving to do any sort of activity with you by your side, or just staying in the same room, or cuddling, doing completely separate things, and enjoying each other’s presence, so dancing together with you was real fun with him, especially because he didn’t have to be proper in any way or put appearances, as he does when outside of his room.

Satan would definitely ask to do more fun activities with you, including maybe supervised mountain climbing, horse-riding, swimming, painting, taking care of animals at the shelters and many other things you’re both into, or want to try new experiences.

Asmodeus

I already believe that Asmo does some kind of yoga and pilates daily - Not for a long time, but just what’s necessary - to keep himself healthy and in a great, lean shape, because having a healthy lifestyle means your skin is going to be beautiful and have that natural glow, so of course he’s gonna do anything to keep that up with minimum sweat required.

If he has a gig up, like modeling on a catwalk, a photoshoot, or some kind of important event, he’s going to do a shit ton of Aerobics and Zumba, maybe even Kangoo Jump for as little as a week and as long as a month or so, because he has to be perfect - As if he isn’t already, but still!

Since we already know he’s the kind to love going to the club and dancing, when you go to him, telling him about the new workout routine you started, since you were a bit bored of Asmo’s chill yoga routines, he was excited to see you trying out new things out of your own volition.

He will try to fish for all your favourite songs and get some succubi to come up with lit dance workout videos so you could both to them together and have fun, because obviously, he wants you to enjoy your favourite songs, and will do anything in his power to make that happen!

Of course, before you start working out, he will drag you to all the best sports shops and try out tons of outfits, and you’ll get matching ones - Comfy and Practical, but make it Fashion!

I’m pretty sure he won’t take it 100% seriously, and he’ll be all party and fun, singing the song out loud, taking your hands and doing random moves that aren’t in the routine, like spinning you or dipping you low, and of course, the occasional kiss-steals won’t be lost in the party, and you’re too adorable to resist.

Beelzebub

Well, this guy does heavy workouts, including weight-lifting and practices for his club activities, like Fangol, which is similar to American Football, which is very...Very Beel, to say the least.

He never pushes you to workout with him, but he did mention that if you ever want to use the gym and be alone, he will make sure nobody bothers you, but if you are in need of an instructor, he would volunteer to help you, despite going softer on you and giving you so many breaks, because you are a cute, little, frail human who doesn’t eat enough.

One day, he heard from Asmo about this super fun and accessible dance workouts, and he thought it would be nice to recommend to you, so he will ask all the details, along with some DevilTube links to such videos, and when you are next together, alone, he will tell you all about it.

As soon as he sees how enthusiastic you are about it, and you even asked him to join you, he will agree without a second thought.

Until he realises that he is so big and bulky that he basically has the grace of a wooden nightstand.

It doesn’t stop him from having fun and enjoying his time of bonding with you, obviously! He will do anything you want, as long as you’re having fun and smiling the way you’re doing now.

Not to mention, it’s pretty refreshing seeing you dance with no inhibitions, just throwing around your limbs and shaking your body like you’re free as a bird.

This is the type of life he wants to live - Fun, happy and chill with his loved ones.

Belphie

No matter how much of a damn sloth he is, you just CAN’T tell me this guy doesn’t do something like Yoga, Pilates or freaking Ballet, considering the moves his busts during does damned dance battles!

He clearly won’t ever ask you to dance or workout with him, because he has a reputation to uphold, he is the Avatar of Sloth, after all, and he can sleep everywhere, as long as he has that fluffy cow-patterned pillow to sleep on.

But one day, you barge into his room, all excited to tell him the newest gossip...Only to see him with music at max volume and following some random choreography, and you just look at him with that meme pikachu shocked face.

Belphie glared at you as bad as the day he killed you, while also blushing like crazy, because damn it, only Beel was supposed to know his secret!

You then grin at him mischievously, hugging his neck and asking if he wants to do dance-workout routines together, and he refuses at first...And second and third and hundredth, but in the end, he will give in, and you will dance together.

Sometimes, he will suggest the dance workouts with a partner, just so he could have a reason to be closer to you, lazily peck your lips, cheeks or forehead, while also being able to do romantic moves...Even if the song is romantic or has seductive moves or not.

It could be some weird country song about how cute horses and cows are, and he would still do something super cute.

And of course, after a well-deserved shower, a loooong cuddle and sleep session together, in his bed, is going to happen.

Diavolo

This is a bit of a spoiler for the lessons 26-29, but I believe Diavolo is feeling pretty lonely and cast out from the group, and he’s like a sad golden retriever who wants some attention and affection, so as soon as you realise that, you start going to him to talk about random things, send him cute messages, stickers, gossips, selfies, pics with things you found awesome or cool, and he super appreciates it, he’s so happy!

This made you start bonding and go out, spending time together, so you then explain to him about human habits, memes, vines, TikToks, fandoms, trends, fandoms, ideas and all the ape shit things you could come up with, like a grandpa trying to be hip with his grandkids, but he ends up so cringe and overly exaggerated that he’s super adorable.

And that includes the dabs and Egyptian dance moves he pulls in the dance battles.

Now, you don’t get those damned arms, abs and pecs (man boobs) without some effort, he clearly works out quite a lot, as often as he can, so one day, when he was searching around random things on YouTube, on his new human laptop, and he finds some women doing some super entertaining dancing workout routines, and he is so enthusiastic about it, that he called you over and showed you those vids.

Grinning at how excited and curious he is about your world, and since you already knew about them and did some in the past, you see that his eyes were wide and expecting, wanting to try it together...So you suggested it, and he was so cheerful!

Dia has Barbatos get you both some super cute matching workout outfits, and together, you start jamming in his huge room, not before you reminded him that this is more for fun, and he should just enjoy it and not take it too seriously, and he was over the moon, especially since you were there to share his enthusiasm.

Needless to say, neither of you had your cheerfulness and grins wiped from your faces for a long time, and Dia got to find out some lit human songs! 

Yay!

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[thinkingoutlouddblog]

Pearls // Adore You

summary: Y/N has a gift for Harry on Adore You day

A/N: this is pure fluff and feel good vibes. I should’ve written and posted it last week because the timing would be better but instead I wrote it today as I listened to Fine Line on a loop. If anyone wants to chat about the album send me asks and messages! 

“Happy Adore You Day!” Harry is awoken by Y/N cheering at the end of his bed.

“What?” He grunted, completely disoriented. He rubbed his eyes blearily, looking confusedly at Y/N holding a tray with a freshly made breakfast and a small bunch of flowers, grin lighting up her whole face. “Adore You isn’t out until tomorrow,” he stated, but a smile had graced his face too as he sat up in bed.

She took a step forward and placed the tray on his lap before sitting at the end of the bed. “Well I know that but your first ever performance of it is being recorded today and it’ll drop at midnight which is basically still today anyway. So, I wanted to do something special to celebrate.”

Harry’s heart swooped. This girl was as sweet as honey. The excited energy was positively radiating from her, it was in the way she spoke, the way she could hardly sit still and the bright smile which hadn’t left her face for a single second.

“You’re too good, ya’ know that?” He asked her, prompting bashfulness to colour her expression. “Now come here and give me a kiss,” he leaned forward so that her lips could meet his own. Her hands found their way into his hair and soon the two of them were lost in the moment. Her left hand slowly traced towards his face, cupping his jaw, until it slowly drifted downwards towards his neck. As soon as her hand met his throat, all her movements halted, suddenly remembering something. She pulled her lips away, and Harry subconsciously leaned forward, needy for her kiss.

“Hold on!” Was all she said before she was darting out of the room in a whirlwind. A minute later, she was back in the room, a bunch of flowers in one hand and a small box in the other, wrapped in light blue paper and complete with a pink bow. “The other reason we’re celebrating today is because I finally picked this up yesterday and I actually can’t wait to give it to you. At first I was going to give it to you on album release day,” she ranted quickly, excitement and nervousness possessing her, “but then I couldn’t wait until then and now I can’t wait until tomorrow so,” she shoved both the flowers and the box towards him without eloquence, “here.”

She grabbed the tray of food now going cold from his lap and popped it onto her side of the bed which was currently empty. She fidgeted as she returned to her seat on the edge of his bed, Harry unable to contain the soft laughter at his girl and her antics.

He went to start unwrapping it, but Y/N quickly interrupted as she spoke anxiously once more. “Please don’t pretend to like it if you don’t. I promise I won’t be offended, and I can take it back it’s literally no problem at all and-”

“Darlin’,” it was Harry’s turn to interrupt now. “Can I please just unwrap it before I die of anticipation here?”

Y/N just nodded, not trusting herself to speak without beginning to ramble. She crossed her legs at the end of the bed, trying to contain her nervousness.

As quickly as his hands would allow, Harry unwrapped the paper to reveal a necklace box. He paused for a moment, before opening the lid to reveal a string of pearls. “Oh my god,” he breathed, mouth slightly ajar as he stared down at them, as though in a trance.

“What kind of oh my god is that?” Y/N asked, doubts clouding her mind. “I need more words please and I need them now.” He opened his mouth to respond, but she spoke first, pointing a finger in his direction. “And don’t lie to me, I know you’re good at this acting and politeness shit but it won’t work on me.”

“I love it,” he rushed out as soon as she shut her mouth, sure he only had a moment before she opened it again. “No acting or politeness shit needed because I really really really love it,” his eyes were glossy, overcome with emotion.

“You’re sure?” Y/N asked, hesitantly. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Harry to be honest with her in situations like these, it’s just that she wanted to give the perfect gift. Harry had worked so very hard on this album, she thought he deserved to receive something from her that was as special as the body of work he had created.

“I’m sure,” he crawled forwards, box still in hand, and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. “Thank you,” he whispered, as he rested his forehead against her own.

With those four words, the anxiety she felt ebbed away. The feeling was replaced by pure joy, and below the surface, a deep calm. She relished in the moment, in the thrill of the intimacy and connection they shared. Y/N was sure she had to be the luckiest girl alive.

“Can you please put it on me?” He

“Of course,” she took the box from his outstretched hand as he turned so Y/N could see the clasp at the back of his neck. Once she had secured it around his neck, he was up in a flash, off towards the en suite.

Y/N was quick to follow, shadowing him shyly as he gazed upon his own reflection. She wrapped her arms around his bare chest, linking her hands together at his front. She stood up on her tip toes to kiss the skin just below the necklace.

“I love it so much, Y/N,” he spoke softly. “And I-” he stopped short, unsure of himself. “I- I adore you.”

“I adore you too, H,” she said without pause. His hesitancy did not go unnoticed, but she didn’t want him to dwell on that too heavily. He would say it, in his own time, when he felt it. If he felt it, she tried not to think.

He hummed in response, hand subconsciously tracing the pearls as he got lost in his thoughts for a moment. Y/N just held him tighter, breathing in his scent.

“Oh, fuck it,” he muttered suddenly, he turned within her hold, unlinking her hands. He grabbed them in his own before they could fall at her side, needing the physical connection. “I love you, darlin’.”

Before Y/N could get a word out, he was rambling nervously just as she had before. “And not to be on the nose or anything, but you don’t have to say you love me. Because I get it, it’s scary and it’s- it’s early, I know that, I do. I just- it’s how I feel so I’m saying it. And I hope you feel that way too but if you’re not there yet then that’s completely fine-”

“Harry,” she stopped him in his tracks, face portraying nothing, leaving him completely on edge.

“Yeah?” He gripped her hands tighter.

“I love you too, you idiot,” she smiled, and he swears to God, his heart stopped for a second.

His hands were gone from hers in an instant, instead wrapping around her figure and lifting her up, in a state of pure nirvana. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he sang out as he spun her around. He wished he was recording the sound of her giggling and reciprocating his love. He was sure it would forever be music to his ears.

That night, and every night after that, he sang Adore You for her.

[we-always-hit-our-ass]

First Date HCs With David Webster

warnings: meh some cursing but nothing major, it’s also very long I’m sorry- but the rest is just fluff, so eeee I hope you all like them! <333

words: 1.6k (ajsajhk i got carried away on these headcanons, i couldn’t help myself)

Taglist: @deldontplay, @thatsonefishyboi,@noneofurbusinez, @meteora-fc, @gutsandgloryhere​, @hihosilvers, @rayleighshughes, @floydtab, @wexhappyxfew, @sherlollydramoine, @meganthesunflower, @3milesup​, @jamie506101​, @sunflowerchuck​, @softlieb​, @k-websters​, @punkgeekchic​, @speirs-crazy-ass​, @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant​, @stressedinadress​

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First Date Headcanons with David Webster

So you see, of course our favorite Harvard boy will take you to the fucking aquarium (Cliche and obvious? Yes. But like where else, I mean seriously??)

When you first got together the first thing he promised you was an aquarium date, and well looky here, he fulfilled that promise.

Ok, so y’all pull up to the building and you can see waves of literal euphoria coming out of him. He’s just so adorable and he has a little bit of pep in his step when walking towards the entrance. 

And then every time he walks, his poofy brown hair bounces up and down and the way the suns hits it is *chefs kiss*-

Even before you get to the entrance, your boyfriend is gushing about marine animals. They were short descriptions of a multitude of animals but they were so detailed and captivating, you couldn’t help but listen.

However, his voice was a bit distracting at times and you could find yourself zoning out while he talked. 

A look of awe is plastered on your hand and your hold on his hand tightens ever so slightly.

It’s safe to say that you learned more about ocean animals in those brief moments than you ever could from your years in school.

Y’all bust in the aquarium like the iconic couple you two are (I’m so proud of you) and boy oh boy is David cute as hell.

Here he is-- a grown ass man who went to Harvard and literally served in WW2-- looking like a child discovering a shiny rock. You love it-

David is indecisive as hell and he had no idea where to go. He turns over to look at you with those beautiful eyes of his and you can’t help but smile.

You two pull up those maps of the building and you two plan out the rest of your date. Your fingers trail over the paper, trying to figure out where to go first.

You two make up this intricate schedule and you knowingly look at each other when your eyes find where the shark exhibit was.

But at the beginning of your date Web held your hand as you two viewed various wildlife vibin in the water behind the glass.

You were in heaven when you saw how the water played so beautifully on the your boyfriend’s face. 

David was oblivious to how you stared at him in awe and you were oblivious to whenever he did the same to you.

You named a crab after Johnny and a particularly cute clownfish was named after Babe. You two had a heated discussion on who Winters was. 

(Y’all never settled on anything. Web thought he’d be a red snapper. You personally think he’d either be a blue marlin or a swordfish.)

He called you his angelfish and you hit him on the arm for being so cheesy. After that he said that you were a flame angelfish instead and you could only playfully roll your eyes at him.

Get prepared for literally a shit ton of fish trivia this boy will never shut up and he just wants to gush about it to you, it’s very wholesome and sweet actually.

He knows a lot because he either has a whole 100000 page book about the sea printed on his brain or something or because he has the literal ocean in his eyes.

Look I can’t tell at this point-

The two of you were going to every single exhibit this aquarium had to offer and there was no stopping you.

Sadly that intricate schedule is unceremoniously yeeted out the window because when you head over to the next place you're stopping at you two see something else you like and head there instead.

“(Y/N)! I thought we were seeing the penguins next-”

“But Web, the seals! Look at the seal exhibit!”

You’re gripping his arm and looking at him with your stunning face, how could he say no to you? 

So he lets an exaggerated sigh and nods his head as he tries to contain his grin.

You two went over to the seal exhibit instead kasjhd- Y’all still got to see the penguins, it’s all ight.

While gawking at the beautiful fish species you saw, Web seemed to know a heaping mount about a lotta of em. The facts he didn’t tell you earlier he says now and you’re just like “look at my smart Harvard boy go-”

The amount of times you wanted to just make a scrapbook that is dedicated to this day alone is nearly impossible to keep track of. The both of you wanted to cherish this aquarium date for all eternity.

Cause literally there’s this one moment where you’re looking over at tropical fish and Web was reading the description. Oh what would happen next-

As you’re admiring the way the small fishes swam gracefully Web legit goes on a rant on how they got some information on the Tiger Barb wrong.

This adorable idiot I- I can’t even at this point.

But Web holds you in his arms as he buries his face in your hair while looking at fish send tweet. 

He also wraps his arms around your waist and he rests his head on top of yours. He makes comments about some of the fish and you just sink into his embrace.

Also one thing you did keep from your schedule after not following it was visiting the petting pool after you two ate lunch.

When I say that you two nyoomed over to the petting pool area I mean y’all nyoomed-- Like full Speirs mode on-- because Jesus Christ this is an aquarium and David will obviously take you to the petting pool.

You two arrived there and my Lord you swore that David was holding back a squeal. The two of you immediately rolled up your sleeves and went over to dip your hands to touch the animals in the pool.

The look you gave Web when you touched a cownose ray-- it was precious. 

You also couldn’t hold your excitement as a few more smaller rays glided under the pads of your fingertips.

Then there were the horseshoe crabs and yknow those tiny fish that like swarm your hand and tickle you, yeah those too.

Y’all also chill it out and get to wash the jellyfish. The way the room was dark gave it a whole nother vibe, my loves. 

Like in  that jellyfish room, you two will most definitely just hold each other while gazing at the glass.

Bro, in the dim room, he’ll just pull you close and place a chaste kiss on your forehead and lips.

The bioluminescence of the jellyfish illuminates Webster’s face, making his features appear more sharp. Simping time commence, you two are a fine af couple.

Now time for the real kicker- It’s shark time

After dragging your ass to almost all of the other exhibits in the aquarium, Webster saved the shark exhibits near the end of the date.

Ohoho, was this boy eUPHORIC-

David is gripping your hand tightly and he’s constantly sending you smiles as you two walk closer to the entrance of the shark exhibit.

This is where Webster ascends out of his body, this is the second time he has (first time was when he met you and started dating). 

You share his happiness and the utter vibes comin off from your boyfriend makes you so soft and full of glee.

Yknow his constant face when his eyes are focused on something and his mouth is just slightly parted? Well that is his face most of the time during your time there.

M o r e   f a c t s.

Webster did write a wholeass book about them, what did you expect?

The utter passion and fascination in his voice really stands out whenever he talks about these beautiful babies- 

Like sure, David sounds happy when he talks about other sea animals, but with sharks? Whole nother level. 

It’s one of his biggest quirks and my goodness do you just stand there taking in all his facts as he goes on a tangent about different types of shark species.

The light in his eyes as they trail over as they trail over a sand shark swimming by. He’ll also just stare at a leopard shark while smiling because he loves them.

After leaving the shark exhibit after spending 1 hour in there with your boyfriend, you two decide to go home- But first, y’all buying some things from the giftshop. 

Webster will spoil you and will buy you anything you want in the aquarium gift shop.

Wallets beware, you’d also do the same for him.

There was this jellyfish theme hat you saw and you made David try it on- He looked so fucking stupid but like a cute kinda stupid.

You regret not buying it when you had the chance-

However- You two got shark plushies together. You got a tiger shark plushy and he gots a hammerhead. 

You two absolutely love them and you could’ve sworn you could’ve just burst from happiness when he showed you the tiger shark plush he got for you.

You two also bought those chonky seal plushies because I mean... I mEAN- Just look at em, they’re stunning of course you and Web had to get em.

With a day well spent with your boyfriend you just wanted nothing more but to lay with David on your bed as you run your fingers through your hair.

So you two leave the aquarium building smiling and laughing. Webster leans in a gives you another soft kiss on your lips and you let out a giggle. 

The two of you are noticeably happier, and you two head back to the car. The date ends with your hand in his and your four new plushies in tow.

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a/n: it’s been so long since I posted a fic or writing of any kind. unfortunately, i’ll have to put a hold on my pt 2 for the roe fic i made and im procrastinating by writing hcs kasjadjk. i decided to make these for some of the lovely people in my discord server. i hope y’all enjoyed these hcs with web!

i love you all very much, stay safe and i send yall another round of my good vibes 😩💕💕

[justreadingfics]

Looking For a Heartbeat (11/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Chapter Summary:  A little help from your friends.

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings for this chapter: angst, pregnancy stuff.

 A/N: @nedthegay is the angel helping me with this story. Links are ruining posts, you can find the masterlist link on my description. 

 The symphony of knocks on your door would be more than enough to wake you up, if you had been able to get some sleep at all at night. Lying on your bed, you move your forearm to uncover your eyes and see the sun peeking through the curtains. You haven’t even realize it’s morning already. The knocks grow louder, taking a low grunt out of you.

“I’m coming,” you half yell, forcing yourself up. You have to stand still for a moment, waiting for the small but annoying dizziness to go away until you manage to lumber to the door.

“Good Morning,” Wanda greets you while Nat is right beside her, holding a long glass filled with something looking like a smoothie.

“Here,” she says, handing the glass to you, “Drink it up.”

“Good morning to you, too, Ms. Black Widow,” you say, accepting the drink and bringing it next to your nose. Your eyebrows rise with surprise when the smell isn’t awful, but instead feels quite decent.

“She made it herself,” Wanda’s grin is bright, “Said it would be good for morning sickness.”

Your head snaps to your friend, stunned.You’ve never seen Nat doing anything in the kitchen that didn’t contain vodka before. She shuffled her feet, looking at the floor before looking up at you.

Nat huffs and rolls her eyes, “There’s a thing called Google these days, you know? Now will you let us in or not?”

“Oh, yes, by all means, please get in,” you jest, giving room to both of them to pass. You take a sip from the ice cold smoothie before shutting the door and guiding them to your bedroom. You hum in satisfaction and lick your lips, it truly tastes good and the coldness seems it’s really going to help with your new buddy, morning sickness.

“Wow, thank you, Nat. It’s delicious,” You exclaim, taking a seat on the middle of your bed, resting your back against the headboard.

“Of course it is,” she deadpans, positioning herself next to you, while Wanda sits on the chair in front of the bed.

“How did you sleep?” Wanda asks.

“Didn’t,” you mumble, taking another small sip from the smoothie.

It’s quiet in the room as you gulp down the cold drink. Licking your lips, you can see Wanda’s bouncing leg  and Nat’s clenched fists. Their uneasiness and expectation are palpable, the need to ask but not daring to…

You let out a long sigh and ends with the silence, “I’m keeping it.” You can’t stop the small smile curling up your lips when you hear yourself saying it, “I’m keeping the baby.”

Your gaze shifts from one to the other and the previous expectation is replaced  by what it seems like… surprise? Confusion? You really can’t blame them when. Actually, you were the first one to be surprised by your resolution and the feelings it’s been making surface inside you.

“You know, I’ve always heard I should be strong,” you say, resting the glass on your lap, “And I learned love, boyfriends, family… all of that wasn’t important. It was a distraction, a weakness,” you chuckle without humor, looking at your friends.

Wanda has her lips pressed tightly together, while Nat rests her head back on the headboard, her face turned and focused on you. She nods for you to continue.

“The thing is, ever since I saw that positive result and I realized I’m going to have a child, a little person to take care of, I’ve been feeling stronger and stronger. More than I’ve ever have.” You take in some air and let the smile come back to your face, tightening the grip on the glass in your hands. “I feel empowered; I feel like I could fight a thousand HYDRA agents singlehanded. I want to fight and make this place a safer and better place for this baby.”

You bring one hand to your belly as you stare down at it, “There’s a bunch of new feelings rising inside me, and I’m stronger because of it.” You nod to yourself as a single tear trails down your cheek, “I want this. I want this baby.”

When you look up, you see Wanda sporting a huge, watery smile on her face. Turning to the side, you catch the soft look on Nat, a rare and beautiful vision. Before you could do or say anything else Wanda swiftly climbs on the bed to sit facing your side and promptly puts her arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a tight hug. It almost makes you spill the smoothie in your hands all over the sheets, as she nuzzles into your neck. Giggling, you reach behind her to place the glass safely on the nightstand.

“I’m gonna be an auntie.” She cries out. “You’re gonna be an auntie, Nat.” She adds, pulling back to look at her.

At your other side, Nat smiles and nods to both of you, “I guess that’s what’s going to happen, huh?” She takes your hand into hers, squeezing it tightly as she adjusts her body and turn it to you, prepping a kiss to your temple.

“Oh My God,” Wanda covers her mouth for a small second before speaking again, with widened eyes, “Bucky is going to be a father. When are you going to tell him?

Just like that, the bubbling joy inside your chest freezes and you can feel the smile leaving your face as your stomach swirls.

“Well,” you breathe, “about that…”

“Y/N?” Nat frowns, as if she’s the one who can read your mind instead of Wanda, “You have to tell him,” She adds, her voice firm.

“I’ve tried to…”  You let go of her hand and shift on the mattress under the questioning eyes of your friends, “I called him last night, right after you two left.” You explain, chewing your cheek before continuing,  “I told him I had something important to tell him and asked if he could come over. He was a fucking dick.” You scoff and shake your head replaying the phone call in your head.

“What happened?”  Wanda asks as her eyes squint. .

The wounding memory assaults you like a gunshot made of pain and anger. You want nothing except to never talk about that, but you tell them all about your last conversation with Bucky instead. “… and I told him it was important but he said he had absolutely no interest in what I had to say. He wouldn’t meet me, and there was I nothing I could say to change that. So I said nothing.” You fold your legs up and brace your arms around your knees, as one of your legs keeps bouncing.

“Oh…” That’s all that slips from Wanda.  

“Bucky’s a fucking asshole and I wanna punch his fucking guts,” Nat says, making you tilt your face to her, “However… and I know you don’t wanna hear this right now, but I have to say it,” her expression is soft, like her voice, when she talks next, “Maybe you should’ve told him over the phone anyway. This is huge, I don’t think it’s something you should be petty about.”

“Nat…” Wanda calls in a reproving tone.

You feel your features and your muscles stiffen defensively, “He said he didn’t want to know what I had to say-”

“Come on, Y/N, we all know Bucky. I’m sure if you had told him what it was about he would’ve changed his attitude and would listen, you can’t be selfish right now-“

“Nat,” you raise your hand and interrupt her, “Tell me something, if I had told you I’d rather not go forward with this pregnancy, what would you say to me?”

Natasha sighs, looking to the other way briefly, seemingly understanding your point before you even make it. She faces you again and nods, resigned, “I would have said it’s your decision to make and no one else’s, because it’s your body. You make the rules.” She purses her lips.

“Exactly,” the fight doesn’t leave your tone yet as you unconsciously move farther from her and closer to Wanda, “I’m far from perfect, but I’m not a monster. I know he has to know about the child, it’s his as much as it is mine. But this pregnancy,” You place a hand over your belly and Nat’s gaze follows the move, “this pregnancy is mine. As far as I’m concerned I owe him absolutely nothing right now.” You spit as your breathing grows erratic.

“Calm down, Y/N, it’s ok,” Wanda tries to soothe you, resting her hand on your shoulder.

“Picture that:” despite Wanda’s efforts, you keep on with your rant without taking a breath, eyes bored into Nat’s as she doesn’t make a single move to interrupt you, “Despite my fears, because, yes, I was damn scared of his reaction when he knew, I called him. The guy is fucking annoyed by my mere voice even if it’s the first fucking time I’m calling after two months of complete radio silence and says he wants nothing to do with me or what I have to say…” you blink rapidly, replaying the words in your head.

Nat’s eyes downcast and she folds her arms in front of her.

“What did you expect me to say after that? Hey, guess what?” You change your voice into one filled of fake cheerfulness, “You want nothing to do with me? Ha ha, not happening because I’m fucking pregnant?” You let out a huff, “I know it seems petty and selfish, and maybe it is, but I don’t care. He crushed me last night, I felt like shit. I don’t need this right now.”

“We get it, dear. Please, just try to breathe.”

Wanda finally gets your attention as you turn your watery eyes at her and do what she said, taking in and out deliberately long and slow breaths. You’re not sure what’s stronger inside you, the anger of being confronted, the sadness from the memory of being rejected when you were so excited about the news, or the shame for being called out on something you know you could’ve handled better…

“I know he’ll find out eventually,” you speak again, this time calmer and steadier, “And that’s ok,” You turn to Nat again, “That’s really ok.” You nod at her, wanting her to believe what you’re affirming, “It’s not even about him, it’s about this kid who will deserve their father to at least know about them, no matter if he decides to take part of this or not.” You lazily caress your belly, looking down at it, before addressing to Wanda, in a small voice, “He didn’t seem like he would be happy about it last night and I wouldn’t bear that at that moment, when I was so excited on finding out.”

Her hand is tight and comforting warm on your shoulder. You wonder if the gradual serenity growing inside is her doing…

You give her a tight lip smile, before continuing, staring ahead and avoiding both of their looks, “This pregnancy is something entirely unexpected and new for me. I need peace to live through this, to learn how to be a… a mother.” You pause when the word comes out of you. The tension in your throat from holding back tears becomes too much and you let them free, feeling the heat of them running down your face before hastily wiping your cheeks with the back of your hand.

Wanda and Nat settle in silence, letting you take the moment to yourself and articulate your thoughts again.

“He doesn’t want the drama of loving me into his relationship and I don’t want it while I’m pregnant, either.” You sigh and nod to yourself, “Right now, the only people who know about this are in this room and I wanna keep it that way, at least for a while.” You look at one and them at the other, receiving reassuring nods in response, “I’m dealing with this alone. It’s just me and my baby.”

“You’re not alone.” Nat finally breaks her silence.

You turn to her and exchange a wordless conversation. One of the many you two have had during your friendship. Full of understanding... Despite your rant, you’re glad for having her, the friend who won’t accept your bullshit and will always bring you to reality. But you’re also glad you were able to make her see you side of things too. Her eyes are tearing up as she shrugs and twists her mouth. Definitely another “non- Black-Widow” look.

“I’m sorry.” She mouths to you.

You extend a hand to her, which she accepts promptly.

“Of course you’re not alone.” Wanda covers the hand over your belly with hers, resting her head on your shoulder.  

You sigh, feeling more at ease with their support, “Sooner or later he’ll know, and then I’ll deal with whatever comes from it,” you whisper.

“We’ll be here for you,” Nat reassures.

“You have to tell Heloise, though.” Wanda raises her head from your shoulder and you look at her, “She needs to check on your meds and, oh,” Her eyes round as she’s remembering something, “We need to schedule an appointment with an obstetrician or will you prefer a midwife? We have to think about this.”

“Yes.” You nod, smiling, loving how she uses ‘we’, “All of that. And Nat will have to make me one of those every morning.” You point at the up till now forgotten smoothie on the nightstand.

Nat only grunts her response.

~~~

A couple of days passed until you managed to set up an appointment with an obstetrician you three agreed was qualified enough. You didn’t want to see any of the doctors from the tower yet, due the risk of being exposed, but considering the super soldier status of the father, you pondered that soon a doctor with more know-how on the matter would be safer to your baby.

If, even for a second, you thought you would go through this alone, you were so very mistaken. Wanda and Nat went with you to the appointment and acted like a couple of helicopter moms, asking questions, exposing your bad habits and taking notes on all the recommendations and prescriptions.

They were there during the first ultrasound as well. You’re 9 weeks into the pregnancy and the moment when you see the tiny, almost imperceptible smudge on the screen and hear its accelerated heartbeat was the moment you remembered you had a heart too. You felt alive and strong. More than ever. There were tears and laughter while Wanda and Nat held your hands. The doctor offered pictures of your little bean and they wanted one copy each.

You took two home...

As the days pass, keeping the secret has become one of the most difficult things to do. All you want is to scream to the World and especially to your friends about your baby. But you decided it was to best to keep it to yourself so you stick to your plan, avoiding meeting anyone on the mornings, while the sickness was worst, avoiding get togethers to drink and also going to the gym with everyone else, since you’re not allowed to do heavy exercises, and explaining why would be a handful.

At least you have Wanda and Nat to talk about everything. Oh, and Heloise. You told her on your very next session and you were relieved when she told you the medication she had prescript before were safe to use during pregnancy.

Now, obviously, the main subject in your sessions has been your pregnancy.

“Have you talked to Bucky again?” She asks, studying you from above her glasses.

“No, and I don’t wanna talk about it.” You straighten your posture on the chair, “I haven’t even been thinking about him, to be honest.” To your own surprise, you’re saying the truth. Bucky hasn’t been in your mind lately, even though you know it won’t be for long.

“No? And what have you been thinking about?”

Looking down to your lap, you watch yourself fiddling with your nails. You twist your mouth to the side before you bite your lower lip. The thing is that  since finding out about the baby the excitement that came has lessened, and the little hint of fear has become a monster inside you, lodging in your thoughts.

“I’m gonna screw this up, I know I will.” You blurt it out in an exasperated voice, looking up at Heloise again, who quirks a questioning brow at you, “Do you know how many time I’ve hold a baby in my life? None. Zero fucking times. I have no idea how much a baby weighs, where would I even put my hands…what if I drop them?

“Y/n-” Heloise tries to get your attention.

“Their bodys are so fragile and tiny,” You watch your hands as you shape them to mimic a newborn’s size, “What if I hold them the wrong way and hurt them?”  Their little neck seems so soft … What if I don’t have breast milk?” You bring your palm to your forehead, staring at nothing as you keep your frantic questions, “What if they choke up while I’m feeding them? Oh my God…” You pant and your hand drops to your mouth briefly, “I haven’t thought of that before…”

“Y/n-” Heloise tries a little louder.

“Besides, I’m fucked up,” You scoff and shake your head “The only logical thing is I fuck up with this baby’s head too, I know I will… And I’m doing this alone, the girls are amazing but at the end of the day, I’m the mother, the responsibility is mine, oh fuck-”

“Y/N!”

The yell coming from Heloise is enough to stop your monologue, as your wide eyes snap at her.

“My dear, Y/n,” She says, calmly this time. You stare as she scrunches up her face and rubs her temples while still holding her pen. “You’re gonna give me a headache.”

Your head tilts as you squint at her, watching as her hands drop from her head and she writes down something on a blank page of her little notebook.

“All valid concerns.” She keeps writing as she speaks, “But, as qualified and amazing as I am-”

You sigh.

“I can’t help with all of them. So, here’s something I think it’s going to be perfect for you.” She finishes writing and rips off the page, extending it to you.

With the page in your hands you read an address in it.

“It’s a support group for…” she ponders for a moment, “parents without a partner.” Heloise seems pleased with her choice of words.

Your eyes roll, “You can say single mother.”

“And hurt your pregnant feelings? Never!” She mocks outrage, placing a hand over her heart,  “Besides, it’s not just for mothers, there are fathers there as well.” Her face light up as if an incredible idea has come to her mind, “Oh… this might be even more interesting than I thought…” She smirks and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

Catching her meaning, you huff, lying back on your chair, “Jesus, Heloise, I’m pregnant…”  

“My point exactly. Just wait until the pregnancy hormones hit you hard and leave you horny as fuck.  Then we’ll talk.” She states with a straight face, pointing at the walls behind her with her pen.

“Will this be helpful? For real?” You ignore her comment.

“It will.” She speaks more seriously, “A friend of mine is the mediator. She’s a specialist. Trust me.”

“Well,” You fold the little paper and reach behind you to tuck it in your back pocket, “I’ll give it a shot.”

~~~

“Dear God, Steve, can you just stop?” Bucky huffs, interrupting whatever his friend had been saying.  

“Stop what?” Steve asks from across the table, gulping down his coffee as he rests the cup back on the wooden surface. He looks at the man across the table with his brows furrowed in confusion.

Bucky waves his hand around his friend, “Doing whatever it is you’re doing to make the staff and customers here all so damn fuzzy. Can’t you hear the whispers? The dirty mind in these people…” Bucky glances up to the ceiling of the small coffee shop and puffs, before taking a sip from his own coffee.

A rush of red creeps up Steve’s pale neck to his ears, but he still manages to give Bucky a small cheeky smile and shrug, “Can’t help you with that, pal. I’m doing absolutely nothing.”

“Show off.” Bucky scowls.

Steve chuckles, “I miss this, Buck. It’s been a while since we last went for a run and coffee together.”

Bucky flicks his eyes up to him, before dropping them to his hands playing with the cup of coffee, “You’ve seen me a week ago, at the pizza house.”

“Yeah, I know, but I miss this.” Steve shakes his hand back and forth, “You and me only.” The smile curling his lips has a touch of nostalgia, “And I miss you in the Tower. Everyone does.”

“I know,” Bucky agrees softly and glances at his friend, “It’s the same for me. But I need this time away, you know I do.”

“Yeah, yeah… but for how long?” Steve forehead creases, “How much time away will you need? Two years didn’t seem to be enough before…” he trails off.

The not so subtle hint dropped doesn’t slip from Bucky’s attention. His jaw clenches and he shots a warning glare at his friend, “Just don’t, Steve.”

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Steve raises his hands to the air in a sign of surrender, “I don’t wanna fight with you.” He leans his elbows on the table and takes a good look of his friend, who grabs his coffee for another sip, “How do you like the new apartment? How’s Brooklyn?”

“Not the same. Too crowded. Too loud.” Bucky answers grumpily.

“Yeah, nothing is the same these days.” Steve sighs, “Have you been sleeping well?” He nods towards the evident dark circles around Bucky’s eyes.

“They haven’t stopped,” Bucky breathes, knowing what Steve’s question really is about, considering he was the one – besides you, of course-  who had been helping him through constant nightmares back in the tower, “Anna spent the night one of these days… I’m kind of glad I wasn’t able to get a wink of sleep that night, to be honest…”

“Oh yeah, and what kept you awake?” Steve asks, before bringing his cup to his lips.

“Y/N called.” Bucky clears his throat.

“Really?” Steve’s eyes well up “What for?” He leans over, giving Bucky his full attention.

Bucky focus on his fidgeting fingers over the table. “She… it seemed like she had something to tell me. But I- I didn’t let her speak.” He can’t help the shame fastened on his voice. He glances up at Steve, “Do you have an idea of what she wanted to tell me? Is she… is everything ok with her?”

“Now I’m allowed to talk about her?” Steve asks, tilting his head.

Bucky grimaces impatiently. “Come on, stop being a punk.”

Steve taps on his thighs and leans back, “I don’t know, but now that you mentioned, I haven’t really been seeing her much these days…Last time I bumped into her she was leaving the tower early in the morning with Nat and Wanda. They seemed to be in a hurry...”

“Would you… would you check on her?” Bucky’s shoulders slump and his voice is small, almost pleading, “I was kind of a jerk and didn’t listen to what she wanted to say. It could be important. Just… just see if she’s ok. But, please don’t tell her I asked.” Bucky swallows.

After you hung up the phone he had felt like throwing up. He was disgusted at himself. You called in the middle of the night, two months after no contact at all and he didn’t have the decency to at least try to listen. He treated you like shit, instead. You said you wanted to meet in person… But he is terrified to meet you…He’s afraid of himself in your presence. The thing is he made a commitment with Anna and he knows it’s what’s best for everybody if you two stay away from each other. But he simply can’t shake off the feeling that you might be needing him and it’s been killing him inside.    

“Of course,” Steve’s voice brings him back to the present. “But I don’t see why you don’t do it yourself.” Steve shrugs, folding his arms in front of his chest, “And maybe you could apologize for being a jerk, too.”

“Steve…” Bucky groans and his head drops.

“No, Buck I mean it. Sorry but I can’t stand still and quiet while I see my best friend being such a  thickhead dumbass. This little arrangement of you and Anna…” He points his finger at Bucky “It will only make things worse, can’t you see?”

“I thought you liked her.” Bucky snaps.

“And I do. We all like Anna.” Steve adds, “She’s always been sweet and all, but I don’t know.” He clicks his tongue and shakes his head lightly, “She used to be your therapist for fuck’s sake. Have you forgotten about that?” Steve opens his arms in a questioning sign, “Don’t you think this is at least a little messed up? I mean… I’m not saying she’s doing something deliberately… It just seems like she’s so in love with you she doesn’t even realize she’s getting into a dangerous territory. Besides, you don’t love her that way and you’ve been lying to yourself if-”

“I don’t get you, Steve. Whose side are you?” Bucky cuts him off, tilting his chin up and crossing his arms over his chest, staring at the other man.

Steve’s expression softens, but the concern still traces his face and voice, “You know damn well whose side I’ll always be on. I just think there’s no way someone won’t get out of this hurt…Odds are it’s going to be the three of you.”  

“Listen,” Bucky breathes in before he gets up. He stops right beside Steve and puts a hand on his shoulder, “Just check on her, will ya? And then give me a call.”

He pats Steve’s shoulder and walks away, leaving his frustrated and worried best friend behind.

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had a good day, and are finally getting some rest!  So, did you know there are sites that let you design your own ugly Christmas sweaters?  May I present the one that Peter’s husbands get him for a party?  Except then the jokes on them because he won’t stop wearing it EVERYWHERE (at least I hope the image shows?  It saved in a different format on the site I used for this.)  Also, if you were ever to actually make a shirt of it, I would suggest an image from the reaction GIF you used for the alignment/meta anon.  Because, my god, that smirk.  XD  (Also, they are totally right.  And it is hilarious to me that the two officers of the law are firmly [and accurately] on the neutral side of that axis.  XD )

And I’m still screaming over that latest preview.  He just wants cuddles and ear scritches, Noah!  The saliva will dry, he’s just showing his appreciation for your support.  XD  And oh, yeah I knew he would eventually get better, it was more me trying to decide how quickly I was hoping for it to happen.  My “I want it asap because I hate seeing them in pain” side was warring with my “but nightmare creature cuddles would be adorbs, tho?” side (and they are).  :D  Also, terrible thought brought on by working at my job too long: since I don’t think that form has a tail like a wolf (I don’t really remember noticing one, at least?), do you think that since he can’t wag, he starts doing the wiggle-butt thing like boxers and pits tend to do?  (sorry, the thought occurred to me and I couldn’t make it stop.  XD )

Also, how dare you put the image of Noah and Chris cuddling in the window seat watching the snow fall while the listen to Peter singing ‘Hallelujah’ as he finishes the dishes, in my head?  Or them sitting at the table having coffee and joining him for the choruses?  Or Chris singing along with Tony Bennett or Harry Connick Jr on the local Christmas station?  Or Noah singing along with Chris Cornell’s version of Ave Maria (or doing a damn good impression at least [song is available on Spotify, btw, if you’ve not heard it])?  My body was not meant to hold this level of feral screaming, dude.  XD

For the undecided alignment (that don’t involve spoilers), I would vote LN for Danny and CG for John.  No specific reasons, that’s just what feels right at the moment.  And I’m curious if Noah and the kids have been in the vault at all, because Malia would be able to access it.

And, yes, I am all for mutual body positivity support among the boys.  I remember watching some BTS thing a few years back, and Linden said something about how everyone was “running around without their shirts on, and I just feel kinda old and jiggly”, and my very first thought was “Oh, please.  You may not be I’ve-had-nothing-but-chicken-for-a-week-and-haven’t-had-liquids-in-three-days ripped like the other guys, but in no way will you ever convince me you are actually out of shape in the slightest."  Also, I’m just picturing a scene where Noah accidentally(/on purpose…?) looms over Chris, who just has this moment of "oh, yeah, that’s right, you’re tall now” immediately followed by “well, I am learning a number of new things about myself right now"  XD  On a related note, how do you think he feels about dip kisses after realizing this?  Although, I do hope Noah does not sweep Chris off his feet in quite the same way Chris keeps doing to him.  XD

On an unrelated note, that post about Artoo and Luke about killed me dead.  XD  Artoo’s propensity for shenanigans and Luke’s pervading issues with impulse control is just a complete recipe for hilarious disaster and total ride-or-die besties.  It also reminded me of the post about how Rogue One leads into New Hope and Leia straight up lying right to her dad’s face.  Which, while hysterical, also makes me think about how many posts I see about how Leia is very much her father’s daughter, but almost never see any that point out how much Luke is his mother’s son.  I just have a LOT OF FEELINGS about this, okay?  But I will contain that rant.  XD  (Star Wars has been an on-again-off-again love for me since I was 9.  It’s pretty much a guaranteed way to get an emotional response out of me.  XD )

And I’m glad Mo doesn’t bother the tree or anything, though the box thing is pretty funny.  But he does seem to have that very cat-like tendency to want to completely block you from accessing the keyboard or pin you in place because he’s laying on you and you don’t want to disturb him, so I think he’s catting just fine.  XD  I mean, I have some friends who one of their cats is immune to scruffing (the downside of this is that he’s also almost completely feral still [he was a stray that stayed], and at one point he got a UTI and needed antibiotics.  I’m pretty sure my friend had to get like a falconing glove or something to get his pills in him.  XD )

That America being huge vs Europe being old thing also made me laugh because there was the section about the "long bus ride” that was like two hours, and all I could think about was how often we drove four hours both ways to visit my grandparents, and how in high school we took a trip to Canada, and I don’t remember the exact length of the bus ride up, but I know it was between twenty-three and twenty-eight hours.

And I hope you’re enjoying the Spiderman game, or will when you get to it!  As best I recall, everyone I know who has played it has had nothing but good things to say about it.  And wow, I’m rambling again.  Oh well.  Anyway, hope you’re doing well, and sending lots of good energy for finishing the chapter to your satisfaction (I know the readers certainly don’t mind the longer chapters.  :D )  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Oh my god I am absolutely in love with that sweater. Why is this not a thing XD 

And yeah, they definitely gift Peter a sweater like that, lbr. No other way about it. It definitely backfires when Peter wears it every single year and to everywhere. Including PT meetings and the parent/school board meetings? I forgot the American word for it, in Dutch we call it ouderraad. I know we talked about them before where Peter starts a war with the ‘Karen’ and completely wrecks her. And how all the other moms fall in love with the three DILFS.

But yeah, wears it everywhere and every year XD. 

Noah’s deputies, including Jordan, have definitely snapped pictures and post them on every computer desktop in the station. Including pictures of Noah’s reaction faces of that sweater.

Because you cannot convince me, that a bunch of cops, would not be dicks about this.

Chris is infinitely grateful that he does not have coworkers like that.

And god that is rather good smirk to go with that line XD. And yeah I guess it is funny. But it’s also true and that’s wow... XD 

I did a character alignment test for Peter and came out on CN so that is what I’m going to stick with in any itteration for him. 

As for the wiggle butt thing, he does not have a tail and I already had a very lengthy inner discussion with myself before getting this ask and I can tell you, he does wiggle butt like a boxer in this form. Imagine a fucking beast like that just wiggle butting with happiness. The image is so bizarre that I had to include it in the full moon chapter.

Chris is definitely learning a number of things about himself when he figures out Noah can now loom over him and press him against walls. Also Chris has a thing for being bound or pressed against objects and when Noah figures that one out, well, let’s say Peter certainly doesn’t mind watching those moments.

There’s also a revelation when Chris says; I can easily get out of these handcuffs and Noah translates it too; Good, that means that as long as you don’t try to, you’re consenting to whatever I’m doing to you. Deal? To which Chris, enthusiastically agrees. It’s a very fun game. Peter disagrees because they tend to lock him out during the games with some ash, although he is invited back in after they’re done and then the attention of two Omegas is fully on him. So I suppose he doesn’t mind too much.

Something that is both funny and sweet though is that through Ben, Noah discovers how much he misses having little kids running around. And he has a few moments of; oh god I want another kid realizations in this chapter.

Of course, considering their situation this isn’t the time and Noah more than realizes that. But it gets conversations about the future going for all three of them.

Oh and to answer your question, Malia has not been to the vault, but she and her siblings will get to see it. If that’s with dad or with Derek I haven’t decided yet. But they will end up at the vault in this story. Gotta get Peter’s necklace back.

So far I’ve had a bit of a rough day but by answering this and focusing on headcanons, and that freaking sweater!!!!, I feel a bit better. So thank you my friend, this helped me a lot <3. 

And I agree, Leia is just like her father but Luke is all Padme and people don’t talk about that enough. <3

Lots of Love from me and Mo!

[weilongfu]

Wei reads Mo Dao Zu Shi (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation)

OKAY FINE, I READ IT. I blame @sarah-yyy @stebeee and @ctl-yuejie for me reading this because they’ve been posting beautiful things about MDZS/Untamed and I had opinions without actually knowing anything so here we are. FYI I didn’t read all the translated extras because reasons that I will get to at the end. 

I’m also not tagging this for MDZS or Untamed because I’d rather not get people that are super passionate about it in my face if they don’t like my opinion. If you reblog, please do not tag it for the fandom.

WARNING THIS RANT/REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FOR THE NOVEL. EVERYTHING BUT SYNOPSIS WILL BE UNDER A CUT.

Weilongfu’s synopsis: After many years of death after terrorizing the the numerous sects of the Cultivation world, Wei Wu Xian finds himself returned to the mortal world by a forbidden technique. However, as soon as he gets his bearings, he is caught by the nemesis of his previous life, Lan Wang Ji. Despite many attempts to annoy or disgust him, LWJ will not let WWX go. After events bring the two together, they have no choice but to set out on an adventure to find the source of trouble brewing anew in the Cultivation world. The farther they travel, the closer they become. The closer they become, the more WWX realizes that LWJ might not have been as annoyed with him as he previously thought.

ExR Translation synopsis:  As the grandmaster who founded the Demonic Sect, Wei WuXian roamed the world in his wanton ways, hated by millions for the chaos he created. In the end, he was backstabbed by his dearest shidi and killed by powerful clans that combined to overpower him. He incarnates into the body of a lunatic who was abandoned by his clan and is later, unwillingly, taken away by a famous cultivator among the clans—Lan WangJi, his archenemy. This marks the start of a thrilling yet hilarious journey of attacking monsters, solving mysteries, and raising children. From the mutual flirtation along the way, Wei WuXian slowly realizes that Lan WangJi, a seemingly haughty and indifferent poker-face, holds more feelings for Wei WuXian than he is letting on.

Overall Plot Assessment and Summary: After WWX returns to life in the body of Mo Xuan Yu, sacrificed to him in exchange for revenge, he attempts to make a break for it and get away from all the cultivators around him before they can realize who he really is. Unfortunately, at every step, WWX has no choice but to intervene or let young cultivators die. This ends up giving away his identity to almost every single person who knew WWX because of his sass, attitude, and abilities in demonic cultivation (AKA basically the wuxia version of necromancy). 

In the end, WWX decides to help LWJ solve the mystery behind events that cannot be mere coincidences, leading to a much larger plot and conspiracy. All STILL connected to WWX and his life before he died. No really, the SHEER LENGTHS everyone went to fuck with WWX in life and death are ASTRONOMICAL. It’s no wonder the man just wants to fuck off to a mountain made of decaying corpses and just plant shit and let everyone else fight it out. THEY STILL FIND A REASON TO BOTHER HIM.

Along their adventure, WWX finds out that LWJ is not so cold and indifferent to him. Quite the opposite in fact. As the story reaches a climax and all the great mysteries and plots are revealed, WWX and LWJ finally confess and confirm their love for each other, in front of the final villain who’s been plotting his rise to power since the very beginning and is in control of most of the situation. It’s as cliche a love moment as you can get despite the rising stakes. At least the characters are so self-aware due to their clearly high level of cultivation, that they all politely cough and say that the two should get a room after this is all over. I swear to god, that is practically what happens. Even the villain can’t believe this level of bullshit.

In the end, it’s literally the power of love, friendship, and teamwork that some how makes the dream work. The villain gets his ass kicked, the deus ex machina happens just in time, there’s ANOTHER mastermind that no one can really prove is the mastermind but fucking hell if WWX doesn’t make a damn good case, and JFC there’s some porn. They really tried to give us everything. Kudos to you, Author.

The majority of backstory and past events required for understanding the current political situation/fight scene all happen in flashbacks before or after the actual situation takes place in the present. So at least we can say MDZS shows and doesn’t just TELL. And god does it show. It goes on for 113 chapters and as of right now, has 13 translated BONUS chapters. ExR translations actually still has MDZS as “In Progress.” I am afraid to know how many MORE bonus chapters there are. I actually, as I said above, did not finish reading the bonus chapters. That gets a gripe paragraph.

It is the slowest fucking slow burn of all slow burns on top of that. WWX doesn’t even realize what the fuck is going on between him and LWJ until somewhere between chapters 70 and 80. They don’t officially confess until after chapter 100. That is literally 90% of the novel DONE before they confess. Your fave slow burn could fucking never unless they wrote 200+ chapters and stopped at the confession at the very last line. This is also a PRIME example of the “Idiots in Love” trope and I normally enjoy this trope. I am not entirely sure I enjoyed it here, but I’d have to take a swing at LWJ to deal with that and Bichen (LWJ’s sword) is a little too awesome so I’m not going near that.

Overall, not a bad plot, probably the most ambitious plot I’ve ever SEEN for a BL novel. I would like to give MDZS for being particularly impressive in that regard. I would actually draw relations to similarly complex and epic political fantasy works for the sheer amount of politics and characters that show up. It is probably on the level of Game of Thrones, The Stormlight Archives, or in other classical lit, War and Peace, with the number of people from different sects and parts of the timeline that you have to follow in order to understand. Never mind how many names and titles everyone has. 

The Gripes: Okay, did I mention that MDZS is the slowest of all fucking slow burns? I did? Let me mention it again. MDZS is the slowest burn of all motherfucking slow burns I have ever had the pleasure or interest in reading. 90% of the novel before they actually both confess! There’s slow and then there’s slow. I didn’t hate that this happened, I only disliked how we had to see LWJ’s behavior and then attempt to draw context based on how different it is compared to his previous actions in the flashbacks. Which you wouldn’t know to do until chapter 70+ anyway. And at that point, do you really want to backtrack and see if you were right? Stronger people than me will, I’m sure. But I don’t have time for that.

Let’s also give the flashbacks a proper take down here. Flashbacks, used well, are a good way to let the reader know important information that has happened. The problem with flashbacks in MDZS is that they happen every few chapters for a multitude of reasons. WWX decided to peek into someone’s memories by letting them possess him. Someone is reminiscing. Someone is telling a story. Someone died. Someone lived. Someone complained about WWX before in the past. Someone was wronged. Someone has to explain their complicated family situation. The list goes on. This would be fine if they were more spaced out, but the flashbacks bleed into each other because the moments of things happening in the present feel incredibly fleeting in comparison to how long and dense the flashback chapters are. 

If you haven’t spaced out by the time you finished a flashback in it’s entirety, you’ll just hopefully remember what the current ghoul of the story arc WWX and LWJ are facing and why it’s relevant. No really, flashbacks just HAPPEN in the middle of pitched battles and incredibly interesting things happening in the present because you need to know why someone is a super zombie attempting to kill everyone and the reason is part of an exceptionally long memory of a ghost of a girl because you need to know the motivation of the douche that made the super zombie, the girl that died, and the other guys that died. 

I also mentioned above that I didn’t finish reading the bonus chapters. LWJ and WWX have approx. two sex scenes in the core 113 chapters. They’re not particularly well written, although that might be that something is lost in translation. But if at any point smut is written about members, and pink spots between ass cheeks, and a lack of lube, it’s really only written to titillate a particular subset of BL fans. The rest of that don’t take kindly to that sort of thing would do better to avoid reading the porn. Which means you’d really do better to avoid reading the bonus chapters. They are just bonus porn. And if it was well written bonus porn, I wouldn’t complain. 

As it stands, I’m going to complain because if I’m falling asleep while reading porn, there is something wrong with your porn. Apparently someone had said that the bonus chapters are extra “night hunts” (AKA times where cultivationists go out and kill evil things). But really I would say that they are extra night “hunts” where LWJ’s dick is the sword, WWX’s ass is the ghoul, and WWX needs an exorcism and the only way to do it is with LWJ’s jizz SPIRITUAL POWER. They showcase a variety of situations and kinks that LWJ and WWX might have, but if you try to read them all at once, you’re going to get bored. 

This last gripe is a relatively minor one, but it is A gripe in that there are just so many names and titles to keep track of. Everyone has a birth name, a courtesy name, a title, a familiar name, etc. If you are unused to traditional Chinese naming conventions, this will definitely make your head spin. As it stands, I was barely able to remember who was associated with what. Thank god they drop names every other sentence so that it’s clear who’s talking about who. 

Were all these complaints, the majority of which seem kind of petty, enough to ruin the novel for me? Weelll....

Pros? Cons? Would you recommend? Okay first of all, I love me a good fantasy novel whether it’s straight or LGBTQ+. MDZS has enough trappings of one to hook me. The abilities bestowed by weapons and cultivation were all very interesting and definitely to my taste. Also flying on fucking swords? Who even? The system of magic and abilities is also pretty firmly cemented in old Chinese lore and most of it makes sense within the limits that the novel describes. So MDZS gets a point for that.

Pro number two was although they were so hard to get through and figure out, everyone’s character arcs were pretty good. Many characters learned and grew consistently within each chapter. You actually find yourself rooting for several of the side characters to stop being assholes at the end (looking at you Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling), although Nie Hui Sang is a weird fucking twist, but okay fine, at this point I don’t want to fight about it. Wen Ning deserved better. 

Third, as I said, it’s probably the most ambitious kind of BL plot I’ve ever finished reading. MDZS manages to weave a semblance of a romance under your nose while you’re busy wondering who’s stirring up shit with the undead. I think second would probably be Guardian if I ever finish that. They’d probably be close to on par as to how different and engaging they both are. 

And fourth, there’s a happy ending. People are actually happy about the way things resolved. WWX and LWJ ride off into the sunset, happy and together. They support each other, LWJ defends WWX, WWX does his best not to stir up that much shit, their semi-adopted son continues to be a fine young man, and I guess not everyone got screwed over. Entirely. Mostly. Happiness, true and genuine, is not something easily found. I’m glad WWX and LWJ got to have that together.

However, the cons of convoluted timeline shenanigans with flashbacks vs present, difficult to follow politics or ambitions, and slow pace are setbacks. I’m not even going to count the porn as a negative because for all I know, it is a rocking sex scene if only I could read Chinese (I’m working on that). 

I didn’t hate MDZS. I mildly enjoyed my time reading it. I’m not entirely sure I got what I paid for in terms of time reading it, but hey, I read it for free so why should I complain that much? I think I’d have liked it more if it was a little tighter with it’s story line or at least had more punch to its arcs. If you’re going to make me read a 5+ chapter flashback, at least make everything in the flashback relevant to the present! Otherwise, why did we need 5+ chapters of memory as an exposition?

I think if you are someone who enjoys wuxia dramas/novels or really enjoys a good fantasy/mystery with a heavy dash of slow burn BL, MDZS might be for you. Unless you don’t like being boldfaced told the answer by a character because he figures everything out before you, but props to WWX for having the single brain cell in the midst of several cultivational sects and two masterminds that appear to have two brain cells each. Oh, and LWJ has several. 

If you don’t have any sort of patience and want to see the characters bang by chapter 5, MDZS is not for you. MDZS is also not for you if you don’t want to bother untangling the ball of knots that is a complex web of character motivations and desires. I’d also recommend against reading all 113 chapters for the porn at the end. If all you really want is to read the porn at the end, you’re not going to lose that much context if you just read the porn and imagine that a bunch of scary and romantic things happened in the back story and then look they’re fucking in a dream brought on by some psychedelic special spiritual incense burner!

I wish I was lying.

[albion-93]

RWBY Analysis: Who is the Main Antagonist of Volume 6?

Disclaimer: Contains intense RWBY theorising and speculation inspired by Volume 6 Chapter 9 that is subject to being made redundant should the rest of the Volume go along like nothing as follows in this post.

RWBY has an interesting history when it comes its villains and antagonists. From Volumes 1 to 3 we saw a succession of rogues who fit the bill, each nastier than the last, from the likes of Roman Torchwick to Adam Taurus, Cinder Fall, and finally Salem. When it came to these four especially, and their criminal cohorts, the terms villain and antagonist went hand in hand. And with good reason, they were in active or indirect opposition to our protagonists’ actions, and their intentions and deeds ranged from petty theft to Machiavellian manipulation, terrorism and mass murder. Roman was a solid rival and foe to Ruby Rose, while Cinder served her role as main villain and antagonist well in Volumes 1 to 3, with Salem’s overarching series antagonist role revealed as a cliffhanger.

With Volumes 4 and 5, there were certainly plenty of villains but the role of main antagonist became somewhat complicated. As Team RWBY split up, most of them faced their own antagonist to overcome in various stages. In Vol 4 Weiss had her abusive father, Jacques Schnee; Blake had the White Fang operatives in Menagerie; Yang’s was at first psychological - the trauma of losing her arm and regaining her resolve to fight - and the second came in the form of her estranged survivalist mother Raven Branwen. Lastly is Ruby, who is sadly the most lacking in this department. Apart from her battles against the Grimm alongside Jaune, Nora and Ren, nothing came close to Roman or a potential enmity with Cinder, alas.

Now that RWBY is back together, things have changed. Cinder is now a month behind everyone else and unable to confront anyone. Salem is moving her minions into place in Atlas but doesn’t pose a direct threat to the heroes, though we will probably see Hazel, Tyrian and Watts out in the open at some point. Emerald is experiencing a crisis of allegiance, while Mercury seems to have chosen his side. Finally, Adam Taurus is as yet unaccounted for with no White Fang support to be found. 

You could argue that we’ve had the threat of personal demons and some excellent opposing interplay within the group, such as Ruby dealing with Qrow’s alcoholism and despair, Weiss’s reluctance to return to Atlas, Blake and Yang keeping a lid on their issues, and everyone falling into despair and anger at learning of Salem’s immortality. As effective as these are, there hasn’t been a single villainous character directly or indirectly circumventing the heroes’ actions. Odd.

So, I ask again, who is the main antagonist of Volume 6?

My personal take might shock many if you.

Since the start of Volume 6, this character’s words, choices and unfortunate past mistakes has led to more problems for the heroes than anything caused by Adam, Cinder or Salem. He’s nominally on the side of good but has failed in upholding his mission and his stagnation and secrecy has become a source of fear, discord, disunity and despair, more so than any servant of Salem. I am referring to Professor Ozpin.

Now let me be absolutely clear about this: Ozpin is NOT a villain.

Ozpin does not crave death, destruction, domination or the suffering of humanity. In the past, he was a kind and wise mentor to Ruby at Beacon, and a fair leader. He is ultimately someone who wants to put an end to Salem’s evil and somehow lift the curse, maybe once he believed he would be the one to finally do it. But now, he he’s a liability to Team RWBY, the remains of Team JNPR and of course his most recent incarnation, Oscar Pine.

If he had elected to tell the heroes that the Lamp attracts Grimm before boarding the Argus Express, and most vitally trust them, they might have avoided separation and being stranded. His constant omission of the truth, while claiming that it was for the greater good, is the same mentality that contributed to the Fall of Beacon. The more his pessimism, bitterness and double standard thinking emerged, the more the group’s distrust grew, culminating in Oscar briefly regaining control and revealing the Jinn in the Lamp. He was even prepared to use force to stop Ruby from asking Jinn what he was hiding. Overcome with despair and shame, he retreated deep into Oscar’s mind. They were left there to endure the Brunswick Farms horrors because of him.

I don’t blame him for retreating as he did, especially given the secrets regarding Salem. But when they finally reached Argus and the truth was revealed to Team JNR, he didn’t even re-emerge to come to Oscar’s defence from Jaune’s anger, and let him take the brunt of it. Again, there was no malice on Ozpin’s part, but in not intervening he allowed the rift between Oscar and the others to widen. In an older post, I said that if I were Oscar I would have taken my chances with the cold weather and Grimm rather than stay with people mad at me for another man’s mistakes. That came true in Dead End. So how is it he went from this...

To this?

The thing that struck me in the recent episode Lost was the reveal that Oscar had seemingly been waiting for the group at the Cotta-Arc house sporting new,  princely clothes and having cooked dinner for everyone. I do not think for a moment that that’s the real Oscar who welcomed the gang back. Absolutely nothing about what we saw in the previous episode, being threatened, isolated and emotionally dumped on naturally leads into him being relaxed, willing to reaffirm his mission to help RWBY, accepting his fate, easily forgiving Jaune and cooking dinner for everyone. Why would he do any of this? 

Looking at his body language and choice of words, he seems too calm, confident and controlled to be Oscar. His new combat outfit lines up with the green motif shared in other past Ozma incarnations, even with the red flourishes and leather fittings. Also, take a read of this dialogue, and instead of Oscar pretend it’s Ozpin saying this to the group:

Many have said that this sounds an awful lot like someone with a terminal illness would say, and that this could be a sign of the Merge happeninng. But why is the story acting like Oscar is the one who will fade away, when Jinn showed the different approaches Ozma had to coexisting with his hosts? 

Personally, I think it’s Ozpin imitating Oscar. He seemed surprised when he found out the group were looking for him, so how could Oscar not know why they were looking for him? For Ozpin, it’s a perfect cover since the group still doesn’t trust him but are are happy to see the boy safe. Asserting his desire to help extends a proverbial peace offering, while keeping the nature of the possession ambiguious. Also, isn’t cooking dinner for someone (or indeed twelve people) a pretty good way of making amends? 

But hang on, how could Ozpin still be an antagonist if he’s promising to help the heroes and wants to bury the grudges between them? He’s not telling the truth and remaining entrenched in the same mindset that has weakened their efforts in the past. Also, if Oscar is being locked inside his own head and being used for deception this is certainly a moral breach.

I think Oscar would have succeeded in running away or done something much worse if Oz didn’t forcibly intervene. Such a move would be very in keeping with Ozpin’s pattern of actions; the idea of committing a little evil in the name of the greater good, i.e. to return Oscar safely  to the group he had to forcibly take over. Also, the omission of vital truths and maintaining an amiable facade in the belief that everyone is happier for not knowing the full story. There’s even escalating a dangerous solution whilst potentially alienating or endangering others and removing the option of choice, just like in Volume 3.

It would be a cruel twist of irony if Jaune’s angry rant at Oscar in the house actually became a self fulfilling prophecy; “How do we know it’s really him?! What if we’ve been talking to that liar this whole time?!” By denying Oscar’s individuality when he was at his most vulnerable, he sowed the seeds for Oz to return and deceive the heroes into thinking Oscar returned of his own free will.

Now, imagine if all this crazy theory-crafting proved correct and the truth came out, Ozpin would have to contend with the wrath of RWBY and JNR, for duplicity, manipulation and subduing another’s will. And yet, unless something changes within him or his soul and Oscar’s battle for survival, there is nothing anyone can do. A once good mentor turned antagonist, with no villainous intent or goal, who cannot be challenged, driven away, imprisoned or killed without hurting his innocent host. Now that is a terrifying foe...

Aside Note: If it IS Oscar talking and this is something that he has decided himself, we didn’t see the process of making that decision for himself and go through classic character development or spiritual guidance to reach that point and signal his newfound commitment to the mission. This isn’t just a plot hole, this is an easy fix, and completely antithetical to good storytelling. After eight episodes where there were no easy fixes in the plot, why is this suddenly allowed? Maybe a character short could retcon character growth into place, but I have serious doubts.

The one point I will give is the look shared between Ruby and Ozcar when she complimented his new attire. That seemed like a genuine Oscar moment and expression, and I could buy that he chose red to earn Ruby’s attention. But I’m still suspicious.

Thank you to all who’ve read this long analysis post. I’m sure the next episode has a very different idea from what I’m proposing, maybe a much less dark outcome, but this was a very interesting train of thought to indulge.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Villainous Heroics - Chapter 19

And so it's all led to these final two chapters. Man, guys, I didn't think I'd get this done... This is the second long multi-chaptered story in my entire fanfiction career that I've ever been able to mark as complete and it's my FIRST BNHA and Erasermic fic and man oh man has it spawned the birth of SO MANY other ideas and universes I want to one day explore.

I'll still be doing two spin offs of Villain Mic and a collection of post-ending drabbles, but the main story as it is now is done and I can't thank you all enough for everything you've done for me. Every kudos, every reward, every hit... You all kept this story going and made me so extremely EXCITED to work on it. This was fun, and cute, and wonderful, and one of my happiest times writing. When I wrote the epilogue for this, I honestly started tearing up.

So, to corndog-patrol, everyone who contributed to this AU, and every single one of you reading... thanks for the fun journey.

I'll be editing the chapters this week and taking out a majority of the author's notes, so let me just say now that I can't wait to keep writing for you guys and I hope you keep supporting me in the future as you did with this story.

See you soon and... Enjoy, yeah?

               Click here to read the work on Archive Of Our Own.

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Summary: Eraserhead is an underground hero who is constantly busy and doesn’t have time to be dealing with new villains - even if they aren’t all that villainous and make the night interesting.

Present Mic is the latest up-and-coming villain in the world and he has a point to prove to everyone out there - as long as he doesn’t keep getting distracted by Eraserhead.

Aizawa Shota is someone who soon learns that there is more to someone than the mask they show to the world - especially when it comes to playing heroes and villains.

Yamada Hizashi learns that there is more to heroics and villainy than he could have ever thought - especially in a world where some heroes still care about those lost in the shadows.

(Inspired and dedicated to corndog-patrol’s Villain!Mic AU on Tumblr.)

          <<First Chapter>> <<Previous Chapter>> <<Next Chapter>>

                                          Chapter Nineteen

‘I’m not sure I like the idea of this.’ Gaze tracking Hizashi’s rapid signing that betrayed his nerves, Shouta tried to think of something reassuring he could say.

“If you want to stay out of jail for all your previous charges, you need someone in high power on your side.” Shouta had half a thought that Hizashi might not find this as encouraging as Shouta wanted him to. “It’s logical, isn’t it? Now that you’re a public figure, the Hero Commissions is going to be out for blood to protect the image of heroes.”

The disgusted expression Hizashi made spoke volumes, Shouta mused. Them talking to Nedzu, however, really was the best option for them. Hizashi had been released from the hospital only two days ago and since then it had been a whirlwind of getting parole custody of Hizashi, dodging the police and heroes who thought he deserved to be behind bars, and hiding from any and all attempts at someone recognizing the former villain.

It was the reason that, despite all his pouting and protests, Hizashi was hiding under a baseball cap, a worn out U.A. hoodie from Shouta’s third year with the hood pulled over his hair, a pair of normal looking sunglasses, and a pair of distressed jeans that fit his figure better than should be possible.

‘Are you absolutely sure this is the only way out of this? Maybe I can do some community service or something!’ Hizashi looked dramatically desperate, but Shouta could see the tension coiled in his shoulders, fingers twitching as if they wanted to rub at the bandages that were still wrapped around his throat.

“Just trust me,” Shouta said quietly. Since they were alone and patiently waiting outside of Nedzu’s office in the school hallways where everyone was in class, Shouta didn’t hesitate to cup Hizashi’s cheek and rub at the skin, smiling when the man leaned into the touch with a soft, voiceless sigh. “We wouldn’t be here if I thought it wouldn’t help.”

‘That’s cheating, Shouta,’ Hizashi signed, features softer than before, anyways, as he relaxed. The only other time he had relaxed the past few days was when he and Shouta had went on their ‘date.’

Considering Hizashi was impatient and had self-worth issues and Shouta was just as impatient after months of teasing and dance around the feeling between them, their date had been watching dumb movies while eating takeout on Shouta’s couch. Shouta had fallen asleep surrounded by half-empty containers of rice and noodles and Hizashi sleeping soundly on his chest. It had been, in Shouta’s opinion, the perfect date.

“It’s either this or we deal with the Hero Commission on our own.” The returning expression was answer enough, Shouta snorting as he dropped his hand.

‘You know, it’s the Commission that leads people to become villains like I did. I mean, they’re just so awful! All they do is make things difficult and make it harder and harder to help people!’ It was both fascinating and rather sweet how Hizashi managed to ramble while signing. ‘Hey, hey, Shouta, are you listening to me? Shouta! I know you can see my hands moving! Stop ignoring me, Shouta!’

Shouta kept ‘accidentally’ looking away, hiding a smile behind his binding cloth as Hizashi pouted and ranted. It was fun to wind Hizashi up. The man was always so loud, expressive, and over-the-top; even without his voice.

The door opened before Shouta could figure out how to tease Hizashi even more, Nedzu waving them in with a cheery greeting, “Come on in, you two!”

The office was the same as it had been for the last few years, Shouta taking a seat in one of the armchairs in front of Nedzu’s desk and motioning for Hizashi to do the same. It was an effort not to worry when he saw how nervous Hizashi was, cautiously sitting down and scanning the room for what was no doubt potential dangers and a quick way of getting out if something went wrong.

“Well, well, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Yamada-san! I’ve heard quite a bit about you from my teachers on your work and the good you’ve been doing for our community. I’ve even heard that you helped to save one of our students, at one point, something I’m remarkably grateful for!”

‘Shouta, did you just lead me into a trap? He’s way too cheerful for this to not be a trap.’ Hizashi’s signs were sharper and less pronounced, hands kept close to his body as if he was trying to quiet himself even as he signed.

‘He’s odd, but you would know if Nedzu meant you any harm. He doesn’t much believe in playing kind when there’s no need for it,’ Shouta signed back, waiting until Hizashi relaxed to look back to Nedzu. “He says it’s nice to meet you.”

Nedzu smiled and there was a glint that reminded Shouta of the days when he was his homeroom teacher. It was a look that, all things considered, inspired a large amount of fear within him. He was proven right when Nedzu said, “There’s no need to play translator for him, Eraser, I can understand Japanese Sign Language quite proficiently!”

Shouta blinked, grateful that they at least hadn’t said anything too embarrassing before Nedzu revealed that piece of information. It was a kindness Shouta didn’t expect, honestly. “I’ll keep that in mind, Principal,” Shouta finally said, glancing at where Hizashi was flushed red and looking embarrassed.

“I’ll just be speaking for today,” Nedzu continued, looking at Hizashi. “I’m afraid that while I understand it, I’m not able to use it as well as I would like. Sadly, paws aren’t very useful when it comes to the more intricate signs.”

‘Oh, of course, that’s no problem at all! I can hear you perfectly well right now, Principal Nedzu!’ Hizashi signed out quickly, tension looking as if it flowed back into him at full force. He was going to end up dying younger than Shouta if he kept letting himself stress out so much.

“Simply Nedzu is fine,” Nedzu smiled. “The signs for my name would be rat, bear, and dog, actually, so feel free to use them as needed!”

Shouta decided that the quicker they moved on from that conversation, the better. “You wanted to talk with us about the situation involving him, Principal?”

“Ah, yes.” While Nedzu had called them there to help Hizashi, Shouta knew it was going to be more than just to help. Nedzu always had reasons for his actions and kindness. “As of right now the public is largely in favor of Present Mic. The government and other pro heroes, however, are a different story.”

That was an understatement. While ‘Present Mic’ was already ranked like a pro hero would be, it was largely public opinion that was behind that. The Hero Commission was still adamant that Hizashi be put on trial for all his ‘crimes.’ It was ridiculous considering the worst thing that Hizashi had ever done was take a bar hostage for karaoke.

“It is true that the police seem to believe that Yamada-san here has broken the law quite a number of times in regards to using his quirk. He also has been a public menace, obstructed justice, and been a danger to society.” At each new word Nedzu spoke, Hizashi was curling up more and more.

The only reason Shouta wasn’t interrupting was because he knew Nedzu was going somewhere with this. That didn’t mean he couldn’t reach out and take Hizashi’s hand, though, squeezing it lightly. Hizashi stole a glance at him for just a moment, but Shouta saw at least some of the weight on his shoulders seep out of him.

“After hearing other accounts, however, it sounds to me as if the police have managed to gather quite the misunderstanding! Yamada-san, did you ever use your quirk when you felt as if you weren’t in some sort of physical harm?”

It took a moment, but Hizashi finally freed his hand from Shouta’s before signing carefully, expression neutral, ‘No. Since my debut, for lack of a better word, every use of my quirk has been in some form of defense or when I deemed the situation had no other means of resolution.’  

That… was true. Shouta couldn’t recall a time where Present Mic had used his quirk in harm of others. It had always been to defend himself just enough to leave a situation or it had been in the defense of others; not including the time he demolished a whole city block, but that was never on record since Nemuri hadn’t taken him in that night.

“I see.” Nedzu looked to Shouta, the gleam in his eyes brighter. “Pro Hero Eraserhead. Would you label Yamada Hizashi, also known as Present Mic, a public menace?”

Thinking about it, Shouta finally gave a truthful shake of his head. “No, I wouldn’t.” A nuisance, maybe, but he had never been a menace. The worst he had ever done, barring the karaoke stunt that people could have walked away from if they weren’t so drunk, was cleaning out a bartender of some top shelf whiskey.

“Would you say Present Mic has ever obstructed justice in any capacity?” Nedzu was still politely smiling, but Hizashi was starting to grin. That, if nothing else, made this entire meeting worth it.

“No, I wouldn’t.” The only pro hero Hizashi had ever run up against in a fight beside him was Nemuri, after all, and every other pro after that had been ones that Hizashi had helped.

“And would you say that he’s a danger to society?” That, Shouta decided, was the easiest question, yet.

“No more so than one of my students.” Because while Hizashi had been a ‘villain,’ he had done good more than he had ever done harm.

Nedzu have Shouta the same look he always gave when Shouta played along with his schemes, smiling as he looked back to Hizashi. “There we have it, then. I’d be quite willing to testify in court as needed that you, self-proclaimed villain or not, have never broken any government laws that would label you negatively.”

Nedzu hopped off his chair and began moving around the room to look for something, ruffling through cabinets and folders. Shouta was assuming he was giving Hizashi time to pull himself together considering Shouta already saw tears forming.

“If you’re going to piss the Commission off, at least wait until we get our funding in for the year,” Shouta drawled, pulling at Hizashi’s chair and moving it closer until they were near pressed together, Hizashi giving him a soft smile. Shouta knew, without a doubt, that there were a lot of stupid things he would do for that smile.

“I’m afraid that might not be possible as I’m about to make them much angrier!” Oh. That was… Hm. Nedzu usually was fond of making people guess what he was, or wasn’t, going to do, so to hear him come out and say something so straightforward was… interesting. “Now, Yamada-san. I understand that you’re looking for work seeing as your last job ended your position with them due to villainous tendencies, correct?”

“He what.” Shouta snapped his gaze to Hizashi, who was suddenly much more interested in looking around Nedzu’s office. “I thought you said you were given time off!”

‘Well, if we’re being technical, I was given time off. It was just… a very long amount of time,’ Hizashi signed, smiling weakly and fidgeting with his hat and glasses as if trying to look away from Shouta’s expression without looking away. ‘It’s really not that bad.’

“Well, regardless of the circumstances, I might have a solution for that, as well.” Wait. Was Nedzu about to hire Hizashi to work for U.A.? “I knew your name was familiar when I heard it and it turns out I was right! I went through some old records and it turns out you applied for U.A. when you were younger, correct?”

‘I did.’ The signs were hesitant and slow, Hizashi looking as surprised as Shouta felt. ‘I never attended, though. I don’t even think I was accepted.’

“Well, we did try to contact you, but I’m afraid we never quite managed.” A student folder was set down on Nedzu’s desk before he returned to his seat, but Shouta was caught up on the fact that it was Hizashi’s student folder.

“You never mentioned you applied for U.A.,” Shouta said softly, frowning as he noticed Hizashi was still and silent, all previous motions of fidgeting and constant movement now gone. Nedzu didn’t seem to mind, plowing on with the tact of the non-human creature he was.

“He did! He also scored the highest scores in the history of the written exam. Your record has still never been broken. It’s quite impressive, really!”

It was obvious that Hizashi was smart considering he built his own support gear and had been playing the system for almost a year, but Shouta had never known the man was that smart. A glance to Hizashi and Shouta realized he was absolutely shocked, which, good. Maybe that information would help improve the man’s view of himself.

“Now, I’ve discussed a few options with some of the other teachers, and we have a few different choices on how to proceed.” ‘Some’ of the other teachers. Apparently one of them wasn’t Shouta. “The one I wish to truly discuss, however, is that I would like to formally hire you and bring you on as a teacher at U.A. There would be quite the amount of paperwork to fill out, of course, and you would need to pass exams for a teaching license, but you seem the perfect person to teach our students classes in sign language.”

Oh. That was… That was brilliant. Hizashi would be protected from the government by U.A., he could work out a deal to pay off any outstanding warrants or fines by doing community service with the school with volunteer classes until the classes could be made official, and it was something he could do without needing use of his voice.

‘It can’t be that simple.’ Hizashi signed the words, but Shouta had been a second behind in saying them. It really couldn’t be that simple, could it? Not after everything that had happened. Then again, maybe it would be that simple because of everything that had happened.

“I don’t see why not. You’re quite intelligent and would have no problem getting your credentials, and, as I said, there are no outstanding laws that you have broken to prevent you from taking such a post. Hm, we might as well as throw everything together and get you your licenses for hero work and the ability to make support items, as well. Your speaker system was really quite ingenious!”

Hizashi looked to be frozen in time and Shouta couldn’t blame him. He had only found out a few days ago that his quirk might be forever gone and yet here he was being offered the chance to get a hero license.

‘Nedzu-san, my quirk is gone. My voice is gone. There would be no point in obtaining a license for being a hero, of all things. Not to mention I’m a villain!’

“Oh? The way it was explained to me you were merely an over eager member of the community who often helped when a hero was unable to arrive on the scene in time. Quite the asset, if you ask me! As for your quirk…” Nedzu smiled, an honest and genuine smile, and Shouta was surprised by how large an amount of hope he felt at that action alone. If Nedzu thought there was a chance that Hizashi could get his voice and quirk back…

The door slammed open before anything else could be said, Shouta feeling nothing except fear, “Aizawa Shouta how dare you not tell me that my newest best friend is here!”

Hizashi perked up and spun around in his seat, beaming at seeing Nemuri in the doorway. Shouta regretted the day they ever met, but at least Hizashi was smiling and no longer looking ready to have some sort of breakdown.

“Yamada, Yamada, Yamada, we have so much to catch up on!” Nemuri was like a whirlwind in human form, sweeping up Hizashi out of his seat, checking him over, and cooing at him nonstop about how worried they all were about him.

“Ah, perfect timing, Midnight! Perhaps you would be kind enough to show Yamada-san to the teacher’s lounge? He might be seeing quite a bit of it, soon enough.”

“He accepted?” Oh, so Nemuri was a traitor who would need to die. Alright. Shouta would need to remember to take care of that before they left the school. “Wonderful! Come on, dear, let’s go and tell everyone about our stunning new language teacher!”

Not even a minute later and the room was filled with ringing silence, Shouta taking a moment to wrap his mind over what had just happened. It sounded like Hizashi would not only recover enough to use his quirk again, but he would be hired at the school and have a decent job while being completely safe and protected.

Looking up at Nedzu, Shouta saw the principal already had his attention on him. Shouta didn’t bother dancing around the subject, merely asking a blunt, “Do you really think he’ll regain the use of his quirk?”

“I do.” Nedzu was rarely wrong when it came to things like this. “I’ve seen the medical files for him myself, after all. While he’ll never regain quirk use compared to what it was before this incident, I believe a few sessions with Recovery Girl will get him back to where he needs to be. Thankfully, as a soon-to-be teacher of this school, she’ll have plenty of time to look him over and help him heal! A happy ending all around, don’t you think?”

This was all too easy. Happy endings like this didn’t just happen after this much suffering and turmoil. There was no way they would be lucky enough to be together and not have to worry about the next bad thing around the corner. Real life didn’t work like that and it never had.

There were no happy endings in the life of a pro hero, and yet Shouta couldn’t help but think that Hizashi made him want to believe in happy endings.

“If you’ll excuse me, Eraser, I have some new teacher paperwork to put together. Feel free to stop by for tea later, however, and bring Yamada-san with you!”

“Of course, Principal,” Shouta nodded, standing up and burying his smile under the layers of his scarf as he left the office. The halls were still silent, classes either still going on or having switched for new teachers.

Standing in the hall for a moment, Shouta felt his shock leave for a giddy sense of relief and lightness as he allowed himself to chuckle and start his walk towards the staff lounge.

“A happy ending, huh?” It didn’t sound like such a bad thing.

[littlemulattokitten]

Dating App Conundrums

Alright so I’ve been planning to do this for a while, and may make a thing out of it just to chronicle the adventure from single to hopefully not, but who knows. 

Basically I decided to research a few dating apps and try them out, since I’m the type of person who’s content to stay home, but also only likes going out with a friend or small group (not alone) - therefore my chances of meeting people are probably in the negatives without dating services like the ones I’m currently on.

This post will probably end up being both a review of some of these apps as well as a master shitpost detailing the adventures of a straight female attempting to find a straight male to date online. And I know Tumblr well enough that at least half the people who read this will have yet another reason to be proud of their not straight orientation. Because good fucking lord the nonsense I’ve seen.

Storytime begins below the cut. This isn’t going to be short. That’s your warning. It will probably be funny at some points though. It’s funny to live it, at least. And I may break it into parts, Idk yet.

Let’s get a few things out of the way first.

Until this experiment, I’d never used dating apps ever. I knew of them. Hated them on principle (dislike them even more now, but we’ll get into that later) and wanted nothing to do with them. I knew a few people who were happily married to a Match.com or OKCupid match but aside from that – I’d never even downloaded Tinder like everyone else I knew in HS and college.

I haven’t actually dated anyone since my first semester of college. On purpose. I broke off my engagement to my elementary school sweetheart (thankfully we are still good friends and our friendship recovered from that near disaster) and I just wanted to focus on myself for a while.

The small handful of relationships I have had that lasted longer than 6 months taught me a lot about what I want in my ideal mate. The one or two less-than-6-months-barely-relationships I had in high school taught me A LOT about what I will never put up with from people.

My “type” isn’t reflective of my dating history. I’ve gotten to the point with these apps where I’m combining their shallow-indorsing metrics with my own personal preferences. Basically going through an aesthetic checklist then scanning through their profile to see if the actual person is equally pretty.

Spoiler, I have to swipe left A LOT.

I’m a very particular person. I’m very introverted and I hate when someone makes conversation harder than it has to be. I can hold a conversation. I just refuse to be the only one putting effort into it. (This makes more sense later)

I’m beyond fed up with dating app culture but my perfect or close enough to perfect guy has gotta exist so most of my accounts will remain I fucking guess.

I’m not necessarily looking for Mr. Forever. I’ll gladly keep him if I find him, but I’m also not looking for a relationship that I know will be temporary. I don’t do things by halves. I want something solid, whether it lasts forever or not depends on a lot of things.

I CAN’T EMOTIONALLY MULTITASK. I can really only give one person my full interest and attention at a time, which doesn’t bode well for these apps bc you gotta be able to bounce form one to the next no matter how excited you were about someone. These apps fucking suck.

Okay. Now let’s begin properly.

I started with Bumble. Yes. I know. Introverted female starting on a dating app that requires her to make the first move. That can’t go badly right.

I damn near have a panic attack every time I get a match I stg. Anyway.

I was skeptical at first. I’m not huge on people knowing a lot about me from the outset (or I wasn’t - i give so much less of a fuck now bc it makes almost no difference on these things) so my profile was pretty threadbare and cold. Now, a few weeks later, my profile is an efficient snapshot with a splash of Slytherin “Don’t fucking test me.”

Did I mention I’m an INTJ Scorpio? Yeah my entire approach is gonna scream that and my Hogwarts house, just you wait.

Round 1 ~ Bumble 🐝🍯

Okay so Bumble is interesting. For those who don’t know, it’s basically Beehive-Themed Tinder except for heterosexual couples, the lady has to initiate conversation. (Either party in a same sex match can message first) She has 24 hours from the point where her and a fella have “matched” to do so, then he has 24 hours to respond and seal the match – ending the time limits.

Bumble also gives you a rough estimate of how far away someone is sometimes. I’ve read articles about how bumble’s location estimate feature has ruined relationships forged through bumble and generally turned women into paranoid psychos over matches. Can. Fucking. Confirm. It’s the most annoying thing ever. Why?

Android vs Apple. That’s literally why.

The way Bumble’s location service is supposed to work is that everytime you open the app, it updates your location based on your phone or computer’s location. As far as I can tell, that’s exactly how it works on my android phone.

Apple users. Y’all are a problem. Not because I give a shit about your iPhone, I don’t give a shit do you ffs, but IOS location permissions can allow apps to update your location without the app being open.

Reread that for me.

Without. The app. Being. Open.

Which basically means if you match checks your profile, they can tell whether you’re where you were when they swiped right (say, 26 miles away) versus, oh idfk, a whole state or two away.

Real specific example I know. Why? Because I ended up unmatching a guy I REALLY wanted to get to know better because of it.

Though, to be fair, guys are really lax about how they behave on these apps in my opinion, which is a bigger problem than the stupid IOS setting.

Allow me to explain.

Dating App Etiquette 

It barely exists, but it should. Here’s the thing. On these apps, you basically swipe right on a pretty face and left on one you’re not interested in waking up to in the morning or sitting on. I’m only being half funny here. I’m convinced people use dating apps more for hookups than their intended purpose. Which, whatever, but for fuck’s sake make BumbleHookup. There’s BumbleDating, DumbleFriends, and BumbleNetwork or whatever. Just make BumbleDTF so we can filter these people out already.

BACK TO THE SINFULLY ATTRACTIVE AND INTERESTING DUDE I UNMATCHED

I’m still kinda peeved about this. In part at myself, but also just in general.

Most people seem to treat Bumble like Tinder. They don’t fill out their profile hardly at all. Have less than 3 pictures, have pictures that make it unclear who’s profile it is, or – my least favorite thing that is almost 100% regional – THEY REALLY FUCKING THINK A PICTURE OF THEM IN SUNGLASSES HOLDING A FUCKING FISH THEY JUST CAUGHT IS ATTRACTIVE. IT IS NOT. THAT’S NOT WHAT THE PICTURES ARE FOR. JUST SAY YOU LIKE TO FISH IN YOUR FUCKING PROFILE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT ONE MORE MOTHER FUCKING FISH-

I’ve seen a lot of fish in the last few weeks. Like. So many that I’m basically auto swiping left if someone’s profile has less than 4 pictures and one or more contains a stupid fucking fish.

LOOK AT MY FUCKING USERNAME. LITTLEMULATTOKITTEN. IF A SELF-IDENTIFYING CAT TRAPPED IN A HUMANS BODY SAYS THERE’S TOO MANY FUCKING FISH – THERE ARE TOO MANY MOTHER FUCKING FISH.

I can guarantee this won’t be my last fish rant. You don’t understand how many fucking fish I’ve seen.

BUT THIS GUY DIDN’T HAVE ANY FISH IN HIS PROFILE.

So he already had my fucking attention. He was also startlingly handsome – not in a oh you exist off puss and nothing else there’s no other way someone as pretty as you with a penis could exist – but like “Oh. I’d…really like to look at that forever and sit on it if you’ll let me please.”

NOT ONLY DID I FIND HIM THAT ATTRACTIVE BUT HE SWIPED RIGHT ON ME TOO AND READ ENOUGH OF MY PROFILE TO ASK ME A QUESTION FROM THE LOWER HALF OF IT.

I was freaking the fuck out excited.

And frankly the odds of him seeing this are so fucking low that I’ll go ahead and tell you some specifics about the short convo we had, but nothing that could lead anyone back to him obviously.

He’d lived in my home state. First thing he asked was which city I was from. Then he guessed, claiming that guess was based off a beanie I was wearing in my second to last (I think) image available on my profile.

He’d lived in my home CITY. Which means he was familiar with the CULTURE. And would probably GET ME MORE THAN MOST GUYS IN MY AREA.

He worked in an industry/field I knew about and had almost gone into myself.

He was so fucking attractive. I have yet to come across someone who checked ever preliminary shallow box on my want list.

Biceps. Listen. We’re all a little shallow. Biceps do to me what ass and tiddy do to some guys. It’s one of the few really fucking strong visual things I have, followed by dark hair and blue eyes. But he was something of a gym rat, for sure, and I’d gladly torture myself at the gym if that man was going to be in my line of sight at all during the process.

Seriously. I’ve never seen someone who didn’t look like they had to be famous or an alien that made me go “He’s so pretty I want to cry.” EVER. I WANT TO CRY THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MATCHED ANYMORE.

And last but not least – like almost every fucking match I’ve ever made, I could count his replies on one hand before he went radio silent.

So, how does this relate to that location issue, you may ask.

Because I didn’t fucking know that Bumble could update your location on some devices without you opening the app.

There’s no online/activity indicator for Bumble except their location updating. Which, when you’re really excited to get to know someone and they suddenly vanish, but they’re more likely than not still online, you might start to feel like you’ve been put on hold.

Life stuff, yes, makes sense, I get it. But these apps have push notifications (which can be buggy) and if you’ve matched with someone, odds are you’re interested enough to check back on occasion (unless you aren’t). So it quickly became a worry game.

Because, like I said, I can’t just say “I’m excited about you, but I’ll keep browsing”. I don’t work that way. Unless I’m not excited about someone, then yeah I’ll keep scatter-shotting. But if I’m not excited to get to know someone why the fuck would I swipe right.

Anyway. After a few days of silence, I was disappointed and getting bitter and the few proverbial bones I’d thrown him had gone unanswered. I knew I was overthinking it and letting my own insecurities get to me a bit, but at the end of the day, there’s a few general courtesies that should exist in online dating culture that don’t.

Why people are afraid or hesitant to say they’re too busy to respond much in their profiles is beyond me. Some guys have the right idea announcing that they’re bad at checking the app and offering their snapchat or telling matches to ask for it.

But even if you’re testing the waters with another match, we’re all on this app for the same fucking reason. Say so. I’m not the kind of person who will need to, because I don’t operate that way on these apps, but I would. Because if that person is really bothered by you finding out if you’re more compatible with someone you matched with prior to them, that tells you something about them.

Would I have been disappointed if that had been the case with this guy? Yeah, kinda. I probably would have felt like his second choice at best, even if he’d come back to chatting with me. But that’s how these fucking apps are designed. Buckle up or unmatch. Fuck your emotions and self-esteem.

I unmatched for my sanity, because that happened a few days into this whole experiment and I wasn’t on any other sites yet. I wasn’t really prepared to deal with this whole thing yet and I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like shit and decided that if he showed up in my feed again, maybe I’d super swipe him (paid extra special right swipe that tells them you REALLY like their face and whatever) but I still don’t know what I’ll do if he does. 

Lowkey hoping it was all a misunderstanding and whatever but like, not at all holding out for that because what are the fucking odds.

And again, my disappointment stems mostly from the fact that I was really excited to get to know him. The idea of finding someone on this stupid app in less than a week who wasn’t forcing his fish pictures in my face, would absolutely be the type of person to encourage my own wellness goals, and who was obviously smart because of his career path, was such an exciting thought. If we’d hit it off and gotten along really well, I’d have been so many levels of shocked and overwhelmingly happy that I just don’t know what I’d do.

When someone who looks like they’re 100% your type actually reads your profile and swipes right – you get excited. I was really excited. I’m still a little sad/disappointed, but I’m basically over it.

Other Misc. Things I’ve Learned On Bumble and other Dating Apps As a Relationship Seeking User

Take every profile with a grain of salt unless it’s so blatantly straightforward. And then still toss a pinch in.

The pretty pretty pretty buff boys who look like their players but their profiles claim they want a relationship? Odds are still players. They will try to convince you there’s 10 inches in their pants. They clearly aren’t smart enough to know that’s biologically uncomfortable for females and the best way to end up in the emergency room with a ruined cervix so don’t even swipe right. They’ll just ask for nudes.

People who use dating sites have some odd, hive mind fixation with The Office.

“Jim looking for his Pam” is in most profiles. I’m not sure why. References to The Office or mentions of The Office are about as common as all the stupid fucking fish.

I live in the wrong part of the country to find guys I’m actually going to share interests with. Just wait until I tell you about my experience so far on OK Cupid. I literally won’t find anyone where I live unless they’re from somewhere culturally similar to where I was born and are willing to move back with me. Because I am not fucking staying in the land of the god damn fish forever.

Most people don’t look at religion and politics like I do. Which is “You do you, I’ll do me, we won’t talk about it and we can peacefully do each other.” I don’t fucking care if your politics contradict mine if that’s the only thing we have not in common. Just make it a blacklisted subject and don’t let one frankly insignificant difference of opinion ruin an entire relationship or potential relationship. And same with religion. I’m not even a little religious. I don’t care if my future husband is unless it’s in my face constantly, he tries to “convert me”, get me to go to church with him, or some other blatant disrespect of my own religious standing. You worship whatever you want. I’ll right fanfiction about magic demon princes fucking their human-born demon queen every which way to Sunday. If religion is that big of a fucking deal for you, be upfront about it. Most people are in their bios. Either way, I’m really fucking sick of people who put too much weight into these two things like they actually decide how compatible you are with someone unless you let them.

I fucking hate fish.

Dating apps need more filters and ways to narrow down searches. 90% of the filters already present are shallow as all hell. What’s a few more.

Primarily let me filter out a few NAMES. This sounds super picky, but I have a really big family. 7 uncles. Over 20 cousins including the few cousins of mine who have kids. There’s a few names that would just be weird and awkward for me to associate with a significant other. If I could filter out my stepdad’s first name (which is disgustingly common but still), my biological father’s name, and a few of my uncle’s names, that’d be fucking swell. You already let me filter by religion and race. Let me filter out some fucking names damnit.

And there have to be people who have traumatic associations with names too like?????

The Office is a funny, good show and all but WHY IS EVERYONE ON THESE APPS FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT THE WAY I’M OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER. I’VE SEEN IT. IT’S NOT **THAT** FUCKING FUNNY. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

YOU HOLDING A DEAD FISH ISN’T FUCKING ATTRACTIVE SIR. THIS ISN’T THE SHAPE OF WATER. SHOW ME YOUR FACE NOT YOUR FISH.

The dating apps that are probably actually worth using all require a paid subscription.

There’s no real way to advertise that you find sex and physical intimacy very important in a relationship without making yourself sound like a cock-thirsty whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, you do you, but I’m looking for someone to be a slut FOR, I’m not one already and I dislike not being able to be upfront about that without being profiled or attracting fuckboys.

WHY CAN I NOT FILTER OUT PROFILES THAT CONTAIN IMAGES OF FISH

STOP WITH THE FUCKING FISH COUNTRY BOYS. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMEONE TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR TACKLEBOX? AND DON’T TELL ME THAT’S THE SAME THING, MY FAMILY IS COUNTRY. IT AIN’T THE SAME FUCKING THING. ALL THAT FISH TELLS ME IS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING.

Judging by the few fish-fucks with their profiles filled out at all – they’re compensating for personality.

With how shallow the filters on these sites are, just go ahead and fucking add eye color, hair, etc. Seriously. If you’re gonna let me be shallow enough to only pick men of a certain ethnicity, and religion, you may as fucking well let me see if I can find a guy with blue eyes, biceps, dark hair, non religious, who doesn’t want kids without reading every fucking profile I come across.

There are way more guys on these sites who want or think they want children some day. This baffles me. But then again my primary reason for not wanting children is pregnancy and giving birth which wouldn’t be their problem so of course they want them.

I just need to auto left-swipe if I see a fish. These apps are shallow anyway. Do not make a fucking fishing joke just because I said shallow.

OK Cupid has a better matching system than Bumble and such, but it’s still irritating as all hell. You can’t choose question categories that are more important. So if I see a 91% match, but he has no sex questions filled out or our sexual compatibility is like…50%...that’s not REALLY a 91% match for me. Let me mark 2 or 3 question categories as priority for fucks sake.

The bulk of guys on these apps fall into 2 categories (for me anyway) – Not enough giveadamn to explain their presence on the site & thank u, next.

Online dating is disappointing as fuck.

I’m seriously going to lose my mind if I can’t get away from the fucking fish pictures. ENOUGH. I GET IT. I NEED TO MOVE.

Seriously – I. Need. To. Move. Back. Home. I am not meant for this part of the country. These good ole boys are meant for someone but it ain’t me and my family is fucking country. I’ve been fishing, ridden 4-wheelers, made shit out of wood for shits and giggles, helped my grandparents in the garden, eaten deer my grandfather or uncles hunted and prepared, helped chop wood, ridden in the bed of a truck, etc etc etc. But ya bitch has lifestyle goals that only include mud at scheduled times. We can go camping, but we should also go out to dinner sometimes and go clubbing or dancing other times.

I was not born with this ass to settle for a man who looks like an angel and acts like one too. Why is no one non-ironically blunt about their sexual preferences?  You cannot convince me that the majority of men lack strong opinions on this subject. SERIOUSLY. IT IS 2019 NOT 1619. God DAMNIT. You’re on a DATING SITE. THAT’S AN ASPECT OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN MAKE OR BREAK THEM. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

It’s not even actually about sharing every interest. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t like Harry Potter much. If he’s annoyed by the level I like it, yeah that’s an issue. Otherwise, be supportive and kind about that kinda shit. That’s all I’m asking for. That’s how I am in return.

I make shit with yarn, write off the wall fanfiction, have a lot of sexual interests I don’t usually broadcast, and don’t understand how dating sites are still this ineffective in 2019.

This is super long already so I’m gonna save the other apps for a separate installment if this one is enjoyed or whatever. Jesus. These apps, guys.

Apps I still need to talk about that probably won’t require this many words each – Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid (OkC might need a few thousand words).

I’ll probably look into some other niche dating sites too because at this point, what the fuck ever - I just wanna meet someone back home or willing to move back home with me who fits some reasonable criteria parameters. And I’m not even as picky as half the profiles I’ve seen, lemme tell ya. I’m just fucking opinionated. And beyond sick of this experiment already.

Sigh.

If I ever see a fish again it’ll be too soon. Bet the first profile picture on my bumble dash later will be another fucking fish though.

Those who expressed interest: @accio-echo  |  @infallibleangel  | @aconitumluparia  and those who liked are my followers so you’ll see it. This post is so long my browser is bugging out with tags or I’d tag you all too.

[thegreymoon]

Sorry, You didn't really say or do anything to make me think that you are Asian. I thought that I read sth in your lj where u said that you were and just run with it. It was a long time ago and I must have misread. Also, you don't really post a lot political stuff, it is more like I notice it more because when I visit your page I skip all Merlin related stuff and am interested in the rest so again my fault. As for my ise of imaginary- yeah, it was passive agressive, altough not intentionally so

… my bad. I rarely engage in political conversations online because it never ends well, especially when my views clash with 90% of tumblr users so I am used to combative tone and it was unnecessary.. As for SJW I am not sure if that is dissmissive term as it discribes the “movement” well? I am not native speaker and am aware that it can be used as derogative term, but was also convinced that it is used by people on the left if political spectrum. I asked you why you are mainy interesetd in USA because I was working under the assumption that u are Asian it seemed to me weird that a person coming from China/Japan etc would be championing social justice in USA when it not that big of a problem(or at all IMO) whie ignoring very real problems in their own country. But since you are not Asian and you post political stuff rarely you are right it is a silly discussion. The fault is completely on my side. I am allergic to these kind of stuff and you are one of my favourite writers so I exaggerated. Once again sorry.

As for the rest of your response: I also come from relatively poor country that was screwed over by both Britain and USA and many other countries, and I don’t agree with many of their policies (or most) but I don’t hate them and believe that as much as people like to say they start wars for the oil etc it is not really true. There are many political and global players and everyone single country is motivated by greed it is only that not every country can exercise their power.  

Relatively they are not the worst, it is just that since USA tries to paint themselves as heroes they are held to different, much higher standards than other countries. To sum it up, I am not defending their foreign policies, they have done a lot of wrong and are shortseighted but I still think that are better than other superpowers that will soon take over like China or maybe India. Also, I don;t understand why would you include global warming in your answer?why do you believe it is their fault

I am trying to leave as “green” as I can, I am a vegetarian and I believe we should do everything to preserve environment, but I wouldnt want my country to sign any deals concerning CO2 emission as long as other countries do not do the same. Otherwise, they would just cripple their economy and not help the world? As for Trump(if you are still interested) I find him the epitome of self-important, conceited stereotypical american but still so much better than alternative and despite distaste. would still vote for him. Because he at least apppears to be anti globalist and has a much higher moral ground than Hillary. what are his SPECIFIC actions that you find so abhorrent? Anyway, what I alluded to in my message was not politics of USA but the social justcie issues, like support BLM or me to movement(I am not sure if you posted enything regarding that, so srry if I presume wrongly) which I find are absolutely not based on facts and despite that people still perpetuate that, and if u don’t agree you are racist and sexist. No arguments whatsoever. It is also silly to me when I see the posts about the West being this cesspool of sexism while honour killings or FGM is nearly a non issue on social media or racism when considering the West is still the least racist place in the world when you compare it to China/India/SA or any other place. So, I find the social media effort to be misdirected and controlled by emotions. Even the indigineous people issued you mentioned. Americans get so much shit for their history, while pretty much every single country that exist was created by conquering or displacement of the previous population(u just have to go far enough down the history). So, yeah wht happend to Indigenous people and dissappearance of their whole civilization is a great tragedy but not the first and unfortunately not the last in human history. Why are we hearing about it but not about Anuit people or Persian or Byzantians? it is so imbalanced. Ok, anyway, sorry for the rant it shouldn’t be directed at you and tumblr is definitely not the place for it. Sorry if I offended to you. As I said I love your writing, “DC” is my all time favourite fic, and because I creepely once read through all of your lj(including asks and responses) I(like an internet creep and stalker)liked you and thought you seemed smart, well balanced and knowledgeable so I guess I felt entitled to to make the ask. Wish you all the best in life. 

No worries, I’m sorry I came off so aggressive in my answer. I did actually live and work in China for a while during my LJ days and it’s entirely possible I may have tagged myself as being there on my fandom profiles at the time. It was a happy period for me and I talked about it a lot to anyone who had the patience to listen, so it’s very plausible that you have read something about it on my LJ! I’m very sorry if it was misleading, but I was only ever an expat there!

I used to be a lot more open about my real name and real-life dealings in fandom communities, but that almost backfired spectacularly, so I locked down a lot of stuff because it could do me quite a bit of damage. 

OK, I concede your point that if you remove the Merlin stuff, a lot of what is left on my Tumblr is going to be either me reblogging cats or raging about social injustices (oops) 😅

I’d just like to make it clear that I absolutely do not hate either the USA, the UK or any other country in the world. Like I said, people are people, and disgusting policies are disgusting policies and every single country is guilty of them. It’s just that some have a bigger impact and are more visible. My own country is a source of so much shame and anger for me, it far outweighs anything the UK and the USA could have ever done because it’s personal, but our nonsense is just not something that I come across when casually scrolling through Tumblr, so I don’t reblog it. It’s possible to love a nation and its people and still be critical of the evil they have done. 

Also, let me just clarify that I’m bothered by all injustices and human rights violations everywhere, but usually there isn’t a post about them when I’m scrolling at 2 am at night that I can reblog. The USA is just… low hanging fruit, and let’s face it, from where I stand, hating on their president, the white supremacists, the Nazis, fundamental Christians, racists and the Republicans in general after what they have turned into is not hating on the USA, but rather cheering on the sane part of the country to get rid of this toxic waste ASAP. The same goes for Brexiteers in the UK and I am so, so sad for all the people that are going to suffer because of it. 

Of course, I’m aware that China and Japan have issues and human rights violations that are mind-boggling, but again, they just don’t appear on my dash very often, or at least not in English or from a source I can easily fact-check. The Japanese and Chinese stuff I follow is mostly art, nature and pictures of pretty clothes. My knowledge of either of these countries is very superficial compared to Western countries, which impact me directly, so it really isn’t my place to appoint myself as a champion of human rights in the Far East when my own country and continent are a growing dumpster fire that cannot be contained.  

On the subject of global warming, I’m not blaming the USA (entirely, because they, of course, played their part, but so did the rest of humanity). I’m enraged by their governing body’s rhetoric as of late, the denial of climate change, every single action that Trump took since taking office (such as withdrawing from the Paris climate agreement), him making ignorant, snide remarks in the middle of the polar vortex just days ago while people were suffering, deliberately sabotaging scientists and spreading dangerous, false information when each and every single country should be all-hands-on-deck if we want to avert a disaster of global proportions (especially with all the signs pointing to us being too late already). Nobody is suggesting that the USA should unilaterally reduce carbon emissions, all countries in the world must do it and develop the technology to make it feasible to convert to clean energy. And yes, the USA, China and other giants have to lead the way because they are the ones with the power! My poor, tiny country is not the one that can impact anything, so yes, the USA is absolutely more responsible to lead the way forward, but instead of at least moving in the right direction, Trump is deliberately lying and sabotaging all effort because he likes the money he gets from Big Oil companies, and he’s giving a platform to religious nutcases for votes, who think that there won’t be a global disaster of epic proportions in the near future because God promised Noah he would never again flood the entire Earth in the Old Testament. It’s not even the outright evil that is bothering me the most right now, but the mind-numbing stupidity. 

I have nothing but loathing for both of the Clintons. They have caused so much destruction in my country and I do not want good things for either of them, ever. I will never pretend that Hillary Clinton is anything even resembling a good person because you do not reach that level of power by having a conscience, but at the very least, she is not a rapist and paedophile that the general public knows of (which is more than we can say for her husband, btw). Trump has no moral high ground whatsoever, IMO. He has done everything imaginable, from scamming charities (this was proven in court) to raping minors (see Epstein). He has no redeemable human characteristics and is not even intelligent enough to pretend that he does, which is at least one thing that Hillary has going for her. I’m not going to sit here and list all the reasons why Trump is abhorrent because a) it cannot fit in a Tumblr post b) I would be sitting here for years. 

I will also not engage in discussion about whether or not BLM is a valid movement, ever. I don’t understand what you mean when you say it isn’t based on ‘facts’. Which, facts are in doubt, exactly? It’s based on multigenerational, still ongoing trauma and persecution of an entire race of people! I’m neither black nor an American, but I believe African-American people when they talk about the terror they experience on a daily basis in their own country. I have eyes and I have ears, I know plenty of white people and have insight into how they think because I too am white and have been raised with similar bullshit. I have lived in Africa for years and seen things with my own eyes. I will never not take the side of black people when they protest racism anywhere and I will never not believe them when they talk about police brutality, race-based violence and systemic racism in countries built on slavery. 

Of course, I’m not saying racism doesn’t exist in other places and in other forms, but talking about one does not negate the other. 

Also, I don’t understand the point you’re trying to make about the West not being sexist because other places have it worse? I’m sure I misunderstood this, so forgive me if that is the case. FGM is terrible, yes, but that in no way invalidates other types of gender violence that still ruins the lives of countless women. Just because the women in, say, Saudi Arabia have it worse, that doesn’t mean that the women here or in the USA should not talk about issues that directly affect them (and, btw, I have absolutely been outraged about Saudi Arabia and FGM and shared posts about both). All are bad! This is not a competition. 

On the topic of you saying that America gets so much shit for its history, which you think is unjust, I have to mention that European settlers killed up to 95% of Native Americans in some areas in relatively recent history. Just days ago, I was reading an article about how they killed so many people, it actually changed the global climate! This is genocide on such a massive scale, my brain can’t even comprehend it, and yet here we are today, with Columbus Day and Thanksgiving as holidays while the surviving Native Americans suffer all kinds of indignity and discrimination, so no, I don’t think we are talking about it enough and I feel that America deserves all the shit it gets for its history. IMO, it is not getting enough shit! The fact that there are other issues out there that need to be talked about too and are being silenced does not in any way take away from any of this. 

Anyway, let’s not argue about which country is The Worst™ and which human rights issues are more worthwhile than others because that is pointless. We already agree that all governments are corrupt, that evil happened and is still happening all over the world and that all human rights issues are important. I firmly believe that if they were to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, 99% of all high-ranking politicians would be diagnosed with serious clusters of antisocial personality disorders. Most of them would do anything and the only thing stopping them is whether or not they can get away with it. The remaining 1% cannot really do much and keep both their conscience and political power intact. 

In any case, the last thing I want in life is to get into Tumblr discourse with LJ people, so how about we just put this behind us? Let’s agree to disagree on who is worse, Trump or Hillary, because that is a pointless disagreement, especially since neither of us is an American and this is getting out of hand. I feel like we are actually miscommunicating and talking about different things. We seem to be arguing different points, so all of it is coming off worse for both of us than it really should be. Also, I wish you hadn’t sent me this ask anonymously, because I now have no way of responding to you except publically, and Tumblr is seriously not a good place for this. 

On a happier note, I’m very glad that you enjoyed DC! I’m very sorry for the extremely long hiatus! Unfortunately, I’ve been going through things that stopped me from writing for a long time. I hope that one day I can still come back and finish that story, in spite of everything! Have a good day/night! :)

*hugs*

[lasorciereviolette-blog]

On Witch

(So RP’s are a bit slow right now so I might as well continue down the saltapalooza that has been opened up due to a post on how Sega’s flanderized Amitie over the years. 

This one’s kind of all over the place, because it’s not a strict flanderization argument per se and since Witch is my favourite I like to gush about her. I’ll try to keep on topic as much as possible though.

So I’ll start by saying that honestly, this could be a lot worse in several ways. Sega’s done at least a little homework on Witch. It took them nearly a decade to put Witch in one of their games (no, 7 does not count since she has no lines) but it looks like she’s here to stay seeing as she was kept on the roster for both Tetris and Chronicle.

But... Now what? See, my analysis has led me to the conclusion that Sega have absolutely idea of what to do with Witch.

I didn’t always have that viewpoint. At one time I thought Sega had done a pretty good job with Witch. She showed up, her story was reasonably funny, and she was actually allowed to behave like a selfish jerk unlike certain characters. 

However, a little while ago I came across a translation of Yon’s cutscenes. And I came across an unfortunate discovery: Witch’s campaign in 20th is nothing new at all. Nope. It’s just a copy-paste of her few scenes in Yon, and one cutscene in Sun.

Let me elaborate. See, in 20th Witch is trying to collect ingredients to create a potion in one of Wish’s spellbooks. Collecting these ingredients involves taking parts off of certain cast members, namely Draco’s tail, the Acorn Frog’s eye, an imp’s horns, a ladybug, a dark wizard’s hair, and a fish’s scales. On the surface this isn’t a bad premise. I didn’t mind it too badly before I knew anything about Yon. Except in Yon, Witch’s goals are almost identical. She needs Draco’s tail and Seriri’s scales, and wants to collect Carbuncle’s finger grime (... somehow) just in case she ever needs it. When she comes across a sleeping Dragon, she also tries to seize the opportunity to grab some snot.

The details aren’t exactly the same, at least. Which is nice, because if the scenes were word for word the exact same I’d be even more peeved. I can at least give the writers that much. The thing is, after waiting so long for a beloved character’s comeback, why did they decide just to recycle half the cutscenes from other games? I suppose this can be forgiven since it’s an anniversary title, but it’s still a little odd.

And then we get to Tetris, where Witch has a total of... One scene. When DLC was released, she got another very short scene. While these were both original, there... Really was nothing to them. All she wants to do is perform an experiment with blocks in one, and in the other she mocks Draco, which would have been absolutely unsurprising if you had played either Saturn or Yon in the past. Witch’s appearance is very much a token one and she doesn’t even really interact with other characters besides Draco Centauros when there was an opportunity to have her bounce off of the members of the Starship Tetra, or Amitie, or Ringo. Or maybe to put her in Primp and have her hang out with some of the people she used to. Talk about a waste. Witch is a fun and dynamic character who has been allowed to remain a bit of a jerk. There was plenty of room to have her interact with new characters, but instead they threw her into space and called it a day. Hell, she’s a comet witch and she doesn’t even notice she’s in space!

Which leads me into the next part of this rant, the fact that Sega only really seemed to look at Yon and one cutscene in Sun and determined her entire character from there. Before Yon Witch was primarily a comet witch. While she did make potions in Seriri’s Happy Birthday, Witch’s gameplay was focused more on flight and spellcasting. Based on her moveset in other games, Witch not only shares most of Arle’s spell set (being proficient in fire, ice, and lightning magic, as well as being able to cast Brain Dumbed and Jugem) but has her signature Meteor spell and a few other comet style magics such as Big Bang. These spells have a distinctive star theme when she casts them, distinguishing her from Arle.

Pretty cool, huh? She is also somewhat of a melee fighter, not being afraid to swat people with her broom. (this isn’t the greatest of examples but it’s cool so)

Coming back to her broom flying, a whole game was built around it called Comet Summoner. It didn’t have much of a story, but it did feature a bunch of cute levels and a powerful boss that may or may not have been Witch’s future self. And this future self was strong, with a huge red aura, several health bars, and the ability to not only zip around the stage at high speeds, but cast spells of her own and combo you with a mix of melee and magic if you fuck up and get too close to her.

Witch would make a good fighting game character. 

This is getting a bit off topic, but point is, Witch is versatile. But unfortunately it seems that apart from her spell names Sega can’t be bothered to remember her versatility and just wants her to make wacky potions. I’m not opposed to her making wacky potions, it’s not necessarily bad, but at one time she was a lot more than that.

She was more complex as a character than she seems to be in 20th or Tetris. Maybe not in Yon, where she appears very little, but in Madou Monogatari she got some attention. Yes, Witch is selfish. Yes, she’s pretty power hungry. Yes, she’d probably sell quite a few people out for a single corn chip. But there are some people who are dear to her, like for example her grandmother Wish. While again, I can’t read Japanese, Witch Leeroy Jenkins’s into a room when she sees her grandmother’s body on the floor in Tower of the Magician. Afterwards, Witch’s body language is pretty clear to see.

She’s clearly very worried about Wish and does not appreciate any harm coming to her. Even jerks have loved ones, I guess?

Let’s give Sega the benefit of the doubt, maybe that one trait just hasn’t come into play yet. After all, Wish hasn’t appeared (but she has been mentioned). Sure. However, there are other traits that the Sega games ignore when it comes to Witch’s character.

First, Sega has arguably made Witch into an even worse jerk. In Compile’s games, Witch is often abrasive and rude, but she will defer to an expert’s judgment in a situation she doesn’t understand. Case in point, Saturn. Upon coming across the Yog smoke, she avoids possession because she immediately listens to Arle and Rulue’s advice. She doesn’t argue, she just does it. 

Contrast this with 20th. 

In general, Witch is crafty and rather full of herself in Saturn, but not so much as Rulue. She has a low opinion of martial arts and so that makes her play well off of Rulue (It probably also explains her animosity towards Draco), while she has a high opinion of her magical skill and loves to soak up praise. Witch also shows little ill will towards those who quit the tournament after a Yog presents itself, which might hint at some sensibility the character doesn’t tend to have much of after this. 

Witch is also a bit of a snarker in this game:

There’s character here besides her excitability, or getting pissed off when things don’t go her way. Now Saturn does bring up Witch’s legendary temper, but we don’t really see the results of that in-game. 20th really pushes that informed attribute into the spotlight, where all her thoughtfulness and cleverness go out of the window for her to make a bad potion that obviously contained too many substitutions, to the potion not being useful in the first place, to her beating up Lemres for stating the blatantly obvious. Witch doesn’t really come off any smarter than Draco at the end of this, because all of this was obvious! She just comes off as an even worse ass than usual because of Sega’s wackiness mandate.

I also really don’t get what the point of her fighting Lemres even was. Lemres seems disappointed at the end that he didn’t get to talk to Witch more, but the story just ends. There isn’t any kind of payoff or character growth here. Just... Nothing. Again, a total waste of potential, having the two comet mages meet and then do absolutely nothing of value. Love it, Sega.

Oh yeah, there were two more things Sega forgot about. First, this.

Witch is probably an actual pervert, to contrast with Schezo’s fake perversion (which may or may not be real perversion too sometimes, because Saturn’s fun like that). So that’s another thing Sega forgot, for better or for worse.

Which leads me to the last bit that Sega’s forgotten. This too I can’t really say if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I like that it exists in Compile’s games, but if Sega remembered it would likely devour what remains of Witch’s personality. In certain games, there are implications that Witch may have a crush on Schezo. She fawns over him in athletic clothes in Puyolympics and as seen above, asks if he’s cool and wants to touch him in Saturn. Then of course there’s the whole “I want you” scene that solidifies the thing. For all I know there could be evidence for or against this in Tower of the Magician, which is a game where the two spend quite a bit of time interacting with each other, but since I haven’t learned to read Japanese in the last few hours I can’t comment on that, as much as I want to.

Now whether this is a good or bad thing for Sega to ignore really depends on your interpretation of this trait. I’m personally torn, because again I’m glad that Witch has not been reduced to a lovesick one-note failure. On the other, it’s a facet that a more competent writing team could have explored with some success. So it sucks that it’s been abandoned completely, but the end result could have been really terrible had Sega noticed this, so... Yay?

Okay, so I’ve written blocks of text. What does it all mean? Well, it means Witch isn’t immune to being flanderized in Sega’s works. It could be a lot worse, but there’s plenty of Witch’s character that’s been left out of current Puyo and plenty that has been aggrandized into a worse person. Right now Witch reminds me of a mixture of herself and Saturn’s take on Rulue, which... Really sucks, because no wonder Sega can’t figure out how to make Rulue stand out if they give her traits to other characters! Poor Rulue. Give her some love, Sega. She doesn’t deserve this kind of shafting.

As for Witch, you’re not going to get a total sweet kindhearted girl out of her. She was never that kind of character and that’s not a bad thing. But throwing on Rulue’s most boastful traits and making her a worse jerk, then giving her cameos because you don’t know what to do with her isn’t a good way to characterize her. Return some of that sense into the mix! Like I said in my Schezo comments, not everyone needs to be a wacky joke 24/7.

[aion-rsa]

The Good Lord Bird Episode 1 Review: Meet the Lord

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This The Good Lord Bird review contains spoilers.

Who was John Brown, really? A hero or a madman? A visionary as divinely driven as Moses in the Good Book, or a bloodthirsty zealot who participated in murderous acts of terrorism? It’s a big question that’s pestered American history for centuries, and even Brown’s lifetime. As Showtime’s new series The Good Lord Bird reminds folks in its first episode, before his failed raid on Harper’s Ferry escalated tensions to a fever pitch in the prelude to the Civil War, Brown was one of the most celebrated (or notorious) roustabouts in the Kansas territory during its “bleeding.”

In his lifetime he was seen as a militant leader for the abolitionist cause, and therefore a menace to Pro-Slavery forces in Kansas, Missouri, and the other areas that began practicing their “Border War” well before South Carolinians fired on Fort Sumter in 1861. In death, his legend was the impetus for the original version of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” and a mural that still draws criticism in the Kansas State Capitol building, in which Brown’s depicted as holding a Bible in one hand, open at the Book of Revelations, and a rifle in the other. A bloodstained messiah.

The complicated nature of the man’s legacy is likely a key reason Hollywood has relatively steered clear of the figure—that and the Southern Revisionism “Lost Cause” myth America placated during most of the 20th century, which saw Brown as nothing more than a terrorist. Quentin Tarantino at one point mused about making a John Brown movie that would’ve probably been about as nuanced as the last half hour of Django Unchained, but told strictly from the point-of-view of a white savior. I suspect we’re lucky we finally got The Good Lord Bird instead.

Read more

Culture

Ethan Hawke and Paul Schrader Find Spiritualism Onscreen with First Reformed

By David Crow

Movies

Tesla Review: Ethan Hawke’s Spark of Madness

By David Crow

Based on James McBride’s award winning novel, which I admittedly have never read, the new Showtime miniseries charged out of the gate with a sweaty, bug nut premiere that breathes as much fire as Ethan Hawke’s tremendous approximation of Old Man Brown. McBride’s book has been compared to Mark Twain, and even from a fraction of the series it’s easy to see why. While we have yet to truly know Joshua Caleb Johnson’s Henry Shackleford—mistakenly dubbed Henrietta and then Onion by Brown—his perspective on the pistol-wielding abolitionist opens up the series to evaluate Brown in all his paradoxes and hypocrisies, with a wary sense of irony and folksy detachment.

As narrated by Johnson’s voiceover, Onion muses, “Some Black folks love him, they think trouble needed to be stirred. Some Black folks hate him for thinking he was some sort of bullshit white savior.” Framing the question of John Brown in this context is key to the success of the series’ first hour; it’s also the key for getting to know the man’s biggest legacy. For what perhaps matters most today is how he’s perceived by the oft-marginalized Black perspective he claimed to live and die for. And from this vantage, the truth is somewhat more aloof than any single mural can demonstrate.

Through the eyes of Onion, and later another liberated (and conscripted) slave named Bob (Hubert Point-Du Jour), we can view Brown as a figure of righteousness and ridiculousness, a leader and a lunatic. All of this is apparent in how he liberates of Onion with a condescending paternalism that’s as ludicrous as the dress that Onion wears.

Indeed, the opening scene of the series begins with Brown’s face totally obscured. In his mind, this is probably a moment of Robin Hood like deception and adventurism, and the way it’s crafted by Hawke and Mark Richard’s teleplay looks something closer to Clint Eastwood’s “Man with No Name” entrance in a Spaghetti Western. Yet for all of Brown’s braggadocio as he rightly condemns the wickedness of slavery and the atrocities committed by red shirted (Pro-Slavery) radicals in the territory, the scene is mostly filmed from the perspective of young Henry and his father; the latter an enslaved man who gets slaughtered in the crossfire of Brown’s antics. So how does Brown honors the old man’s memory? He frees his son, but with an extreme amount possessiveness. He doesn’t even bother to actually learn the lad’s real name… or that he’s a lad.

Unable to see the smooth lines of Johnson’s face are the countenance of youth—and perhaps not looking too closely at the Black faces he claims to view as his own kin—Brown perceives Henry as a girl, and nothing more, and further renames “her” as Onion. Because her identity or experiences before she met him is inconsequential. She should just be glad she is free to follow his riders through Bleeding Kansas.

“Whatever he believed, he believed. Doesn’t matter whether it was true or not. He was a real white man.” In this way, The Good Lord Bird implements a modern understanding of white privilege on the historic personage of John Brown without betraying the actual history, or at least the legend of the man. Because as the rest of the hour attests, the individual facts of John Brown’s life matter less than an exploration of his legend and why it still matters. The way Onion, at least for now, goes along with Brown’s insistence that he should wear a dress and be treated as a lady, as well as the way Brown forces a long knife in Bob’s hand, lightly touches on the intense entitlement of a self-appointed white savior. Yet the real appeal of The Good Lord Bird as a series is it doesn’t appear interested in evaluating these characters from a strictly modern gaze, or only wishing to dip its toe in the shallow end of the pool when it comes to diving into Brown’s psychology.

“Meet the Lord” is a guns blazing showcase for Hawke as both an actor and co-writer. Straining his voice to the point where it sounds like fingernails being drawn across the inside of his throat, and alternating his glances somewhere between dead-eyed and hellfire, Hawke’s protagonist makes for an immediately bemusing and endearing figure. His cause is just, and the more he rants about it like a broken video game NPC trapped in a dialogue loop, the more his madness flirts with likability.

During the climax of the first episode, the Battle of Black Jack, he is ranting about God protecting them because they have a woman on their side, and yet he also is taking a moment between gunshots to sift through the belongings of a dead ally, stating, “If you don’t make time for God, God will make time for you” as he pockets a gold watch. It’s not that he is a hypocrite; he’s just delightfully oblivious, unconcerned or unaware that as he approaches battle, white followers are quietly ducking out behind him as they ride into the woods.

And yet, this is contradicted by an earlier scene, in which director Albert Hughes’ usually wry direction suddenly becomes as bleakly ominous as a modern horror movie (Jason Blum is also an executive producer on the series). While as far as I’m aware, the real Brown only executed men believed to be slave hunters, such barbarism is depicted here as befalling a man who doesn’t even own slaves… he just wishes he could afford them and votes to make Kansas a slave state. A dim Red Shirt follower, whether this farmer committed any actual violence against a Black body or Free Stater is ambiguous. Even if he participated in raid on Lawrence (which he denies), that technically only led to one Pro-Slavery follower’s death.

Thus suddenly all the demented folksiness that makes Hawke’s performance inviting in other scenes is recast by the long shadows of candlelight, and the lower angled framing of a horror movie villain. And that contradiction is not hand-waved away or even grappled with. Brown is a man who lives and breathes abolition, but has no qualms about decapitating a family man whose culpability may be strictly in his own mind. It is refreshing to see modern television living in the muddy grays of humanity, as opposed to just blacks and whites, which is increasingly becoming the norm.

It’s all aided by Hawke’s performance, which could risk becoming parody if not for the actor’s absolute conviction in every grandiose rambling. In fact, it’s such a big performance the first hour’s one shortcoming is it doesn’t have a lot of room for anyone else to standout. It is only the first hour, so I’ll reserve judgment on how circumspect Onion remains despite being the narrator of the story, but Brown’s sons, and their interpersonal conflicts, felt obligatory despite taking up a fair amount of screen time. So much so that when one of Brown’s allies—a reverend who rode with Free Staters, yet took inexplicably took umbrage at being forced to ride with a Black girl—murders John’s most dim-witted son, the tragedy and significance of the slaying appears muted and papered over.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Prior to his death, Frederick Brown (Duke Davis Roberts) introduces Onion to a Good Lord Bird, saying in so many words that the creature brings you luck. It’s currently unclear if Brown is the good luck Onion needs or if it’s the other way around, but the first hour at least established a serendipitous rapport between these two. While most of Onion’s thoughts on this real white man are kept to himself in the narration, both that voiceover’s cadence and the overall tone of the series is executed with sing-song-y appeal. Likely pulling in large chunks from McBride’s own text, the show enjoys an acuity of dialogue that paints its subject matter vividly, even when he’s pontificating some authentic frontier gibberish. All of which makes this Good Lord Bird soar fairly high in its maiden voyage.

The post The Good Lord Bird Episode 1 Review: Meet the Lord appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “No Names” Part 3

When The Joker told you he found somebody else, your world shattered to pieces. But what hurt the most was the fact that he didn’t even bother to come around and see his little girls; very hard to find excuses on why their father is missing, especially when the triplets adore him. And extremely hard to cope with the gloomy future after you found out some details that might explain his estrangement.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164355559106/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-1

Part 2:http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164854110621/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-2

“Mommy’s going to have another baby,” Evie whispers in Frost’s ear. He’s on the couch, waiting to drive all of you to the beach house.

“Really?” he pretends not to know, even if the triplets keep on repeating the old news every time they see him.

“Yes, it’s a girl,” Mia giggles, climbing in his lap. Emma abandons her toys and gets on the couch, starting to play with Jonny’s hair. “Daddy says he’ll have another pretty doll added to his collection,” she continues to stoke Frosts’ hair and the other two agree.

“U-hum, Daddy said she’ll be cute like us,” Mia’s eyes get big with anticipation. “I can’t wait to see her; I’ll take care of my little sister,” she decides.

“That’s great!” Jonny praises, helping Mia mount his other knee. “You will be an awesome babysitter.”

“No, I’ll take care of her!” Emma sulks while Evie whimpers, unhappy:

“No, I will!”

The inevitable bickering begins while Frost attempts to calm down the spirited little girls.

“I’m telling mommy,” Mia pushes Evie’s head.

“I’m telling daddy!” she fights back, trying to slap her sister.

“I’m telling both!” Emma pouts and you enter the living room, followed by The Joker.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why are you shouting?” you crinkle your nose and the siblings abandon their current preoccupation and run to both parents, explaining why they should take of the little one after she’s born.

“You can all take care of her, OK?” J replies, grumpy from the terrible headache he woke up with this morning. He took some pills to help out with that but no relief so far. Of course the migraine is a side effect due to all the medications he’s on; never ending issues: one thing leading to another.

There’s protesting, ponytails are being pulled, plus some more pushing around and eventually the turmoil fades once everybody steps in the elevator. The excitement of playing in the sand makes things better no matter what.

*************

The girls are having fun on the beach and you joined your boyfriend on the terrace, relaxing in the huge hammock under the canopy. His head is resting in your lap, waiting for the remedy to work: you had to give him an extra dose for the migraine since the pain didn’t go away with the usual fix.

“How come there’s only one Princess in here?” J grumbles, caressing your tummy; not too big for now since you are just 5 months pregnant.

“I don’t know, but it’s exciting, isn’t it?” you cheerfully ask, knowing he’s in a bad mood.

“Yeah, it is, but only one?! I think I’m losing my touch…” he sighs and it makes you laugh:

“I doubt that’s the reason.”

He’s still frowning so you want to distract him somehow.

“You know what J ?”

“What?”

“I wanted to ask you to marry me so many times,” you smile, confessing to the actual truth.

“Why didn’t you?” The Joker looks at you, suddenly interested at your revelation.

“Well, I figured that if you wanted to marry me, you would have asked.”

“True,” he admits and you punch his shoulder.

“Not the answer I was expecting, can’t you be sweet for once?!” “I’m always sweet; the sweetest guy ever!”

“No… you’re not,” you take a deep breath and he agrees:

“Yeah…I’m not…”

You watch the children playing for a little bit and he realizes you’re still upset.

“Pumpkin?”

“Yes?” you twirl the green strands of hair around your fingers, absent minded.

“After I die and I get to the gates of hell, you know what I’m gonna say?”

You immediately want to protest against his statement but J continues.

“I’ll tell them my woman did a lot of bad things, but she should go to a better place: she put up with me and had my children so she shouldn’t follow me there. Umm…why are you crying? It’s supposed to make you laugh,” The Joker bites on his lip, confused, oblivious at your emotions. “Is it the hormones?”

“N-no…” you sniffle, struggling to bend over to kiss his forehead. “This is probably the sweetest thing that ever came out of your mouth.”

“Told you I’m a sweet guy, “ J smirks, victorious. “Are you gonna miss me?” he kisses your wrist and it makes you sadder.

“Not even for a second,” the shaky voice announces.

“Good, you shouldn’t,” he mumbles, closing his eyes and enjoying the cool breeze on his face. “But at least you’ll be left behind with my heart. Umm…can you stop crying? I’m referring to the tattoo, Kitten, all right?” J slides up your body, getting comfortable by your side. “Why are you so hormonal?” he glances at the design he was referring to, pretending not to understand your feelings.

The Joker has playing cards symbols tattooed on his fingers: spades, diamonds and clubs, but he’s missing the heart—you are the one that has the missing symbol inked on your skin, right on top of where your heart is, with the writing under it: “Mister J’s.”

“You always misunderstand what I’m saying, Y/N,” he grumbles, kind of uneasy at your tears. “Cut it out…” but his threat doesn’t even sound harsh. “What am I going to do with you, hm?... “ he wonders and wipes your cheeks which prompts more tears coming out and you cuddling to his chest.

“If you leave me I’ll never talk to you again,” the rant starts without any warning.

“Oh my God, you promise?” and you giggle through tears while the top of your head is getting covered in soft kisses. “Hey,” he gets your attention, “I don’t want you to sleep with anybody else after I die; I really think you should consider becoming a nun.”

You elbow him, laughing and crying in the same time:

“You’re an idiot,” you kiss him and J has some words for you:

“Nobody calls me that, Pumpkin! Except Godzilla,” he’s fast to add, knowing how much you hate the nickname. “Not a single soul dares fucking with the big creature.”

“Such a horrible man,” you whimper, distracted by his antiques.

“Thank you, I was hoping you’ll notice,” and he’s so satisfied with himself that he finally realizes the headache is gone. “Wanna make out?” the proposition follows and it earns criticism.

“I thought we already kind of were…”

“I was working on it, you just keep on crying! But anyway, fair warning: I don’t think I can do more than that. To my eternal shame, I’m pretty drained from my meds and I doubt more will happen,” he snarls in your ear, self-conscious about the problem.

“I just want to kiss you and hold you, honey,”  you imitate his voice and J rolls his eyes and yanks at your almost inexistent waist. “Are you using my own line?! It’s mine, find your own! And I wouldn’t be so quick to mock: you fell for it every single time; that’s how we got the kids, “ J  snickers, reminding you about the truth. “Sooo easy to trick,” he keeps on going, excited he can tease.

“Are you going to talk all day ?!” you inquire because he won’t shut up.

“I can talk for weeks,” the cocky remark bluntly comes to an end when The Joker gulps, his fingers clinging to your dress. “Shit…muscle spasms,” he groans, the pain taking over.

“Hold on!” you jump off the hammock, running inside for the treatment.

“You’re pretty fast for a pregnant woman!” J yells, trying to contain the agonizing ache taking over every inch of his being. You get back to him in a flash, worried about his condition.

“Here, take the pills,” you hand him over 3 of them with a glass of water, hoping they will work soon. J pulls you back next to him; it makes him feel better. He shivers under the pressure of his muscles involuntary contracting and digs his fingers in your back. It hurts so badly because he doesn’t realize how strong his hold is but you don’t make a sound. You’ll probably end up with bruises again, yet The Joker doesn’t do it intentionally.

His shrieky breath worries you even if this happens often.

“Do you want to go inside? It’s getting dark out here. The kids played all day, time to eat and get them ready for bed. You think you can move?”

“No, not yet,” J admits, moaning from discomfort as soon as he attempts to lift his head up.

“That’s ok, we’ll wait for a little bit then,” and you peck his temple, wishing you could take the pain away.

“What are you still doing here?” he interrupts, struggling to speak.

“Well, I’m not going inside either until you can move.”

“No, why are you still here?”

You faked not understanding what he meant but now you can’t go around the answer.

“Where else I am supposed to be? I belong here.”

***************

The triplets whined until they were allowed to sleep in the master bedroom with you two. They all passed out in a matter of minutes, the small bodies curled up against yours. J is better because the meds worked, but he wasn’t able to eat anything and you hate it: he is skinnier as it is, doesn’t need to lose more weight.

“Read to me, Princess,” he stretches and repositions himself closer to you, this way he can play with your long hair.

“Let’s see what we have here,” you reach for the two books on the night stand. “We have Shelley and his love poems plus Poe and his morbid stuff,” you whisper since the girls are asleep.

“Morbid!” J is quick to choose.

“We’ll go with love,” you wink and he puffs, annoyed:

“Yuck!”

You ignore him and search for some of your favorites when he unexpectedly turns your face towards him. The Joker stares at you, debating on what he is about to utter.

“I have a list… a secret list in my mind with people I don’t hate…”

“You do?” you smile, shifting his way since it seems important; you can tell.

“Yes, and…umm… stop smiling! You and the girls didn’t make the cut!” J puckers his lips, irritated at his own disclosure.

“Oohh, that’s sad… Who’s on the list then?” you nuzzle in his neck, kissing it.

“Just Godzilla and some loud brats,” he spits out in a hurry and you giggle.

“Do they have names?” you curiously check.

“No, no names…”

“Lucky them,” you exhale, cupping his face. “Too bad me and our children are not on the list.”

J doesn’t reply and you let go, returning to your book and starting to read with such a soothing voice he relaxes right away. By the fourth poem he’s out cold and you spend another hour gazing at him, thinking how much you wish he could live forever.

***************

“Morning, baby,” you yawn and touch his shoulder. “The girls have been up for a while, I’ll make coffee and breakfast should arrive soon. OK?... … …Hey, did you hear me?” you ask, panicking when he doesn’t open his eyes after you shake him. “Baby, wake up!”

But he didn’t wake up, not even after you gave him the emergency adrenaline shot. His doctors arrived at your hideout in a hurry, confirming your worst fear: The Joker slipped into a coma and there is no way to know if/when he will come out of it. The news broke your heart and it was very difficult to explain to the triplets:

“Daddy…won’t wake up anymore,” and you try so hard not to cry. “But he might at one point and in the meantime we’ll pretend he’s awake and continue to speak to him, allright?”

The kids looked at each other, then at you, then at him, not comprehending the severity of what was announced to them.

“Is daddy very tired?” Evie asks, puzzled.

“Yes, honey, he is, that’s why he’s resting,” you sadly smile, checking his IV line. Since J can’t take oral medications anymore, everything was converted to liquids, including the nutrients he needs. You decided to stay at the beach because he loves the ocean and maybe hearing the waves crashing on the beach might help.

“What is this?” Emma walks in the front of the heart monitor that keeps on beeping, which prompts the other two siblings to do the same.

“That’s daddy’s heart,” you explain so they can understand.

“Waaahhh,” Mia is amazed and gets on her toes to see better. She kisses the screen, snickering, followed by her sisters.

Such innocence, you think, wiping a rebel tear.

“Who wants to give daddy a massage?” the offer gets their attention and they all jump on the bed, fighting. “Me!”

“No, me!”

“Your nurses will oblige your every whim,” you peck his forehead. “If they are too loud, you just have to wake up and say so… … …No? Well then, I guess you’ll have to deal with your daughters chewing your ears off. Enjoy!”

-- “Oh my God, she’s kicking so hard! I think she may have a party going on in here,” you keep his right hand on your bump since the other one is hooked to the IV pole. “I am pretty big now, almost there with the pregnancy. You’re missing on the fun…” you keep on yapping like you always do. Sometimes you even answer for him.

“Don’t you wanna ask me if I’m auditioning for Godzilla’s part in the next movie?...No…? It’s your opportunity to tease me again, I know you want to…Wow, that’s a first! How come you’re so mellow? Rawwrrr!” you roar, even if you know it’s no use. “Hey, that was pretty funny, you can at least laugh… Uhhhh…” you give up, glaring at the spinning fan on the ceiling. “You’ve been like this for almost 4 months, aren’t’ you bored? You get bored easily… … … Anyway, I’m gonna read you something now. Morbid or love?”

After no reaction from his side, you decide.

“We’ll go with morbid, your favorite. Stephen King or Poe?... … … Poe you say? Your wish is my command,” and you start reading to him, being so tired you can barely see the words.

-- “I think I’ll have to find me another boyfriend,” you huff, injecting his weekly shot in his arm. “I am not becoming a nun so I will have to sleep with somebody else. If you don’t agree, you just have to wake up and say so… … … No? I thought you cared. Oh, well, your loss,” and then the remorse takes over.

“I’m not going to find another boyfriend, ok? You’re lucky I like you…” and looking at his face makes you aware of how much you miss him. “If you want to let go…you can…” you bite your cheek, sniffling but you change your mind in an instant. “If you dare doing this to me and the girls, I’ll hate you forever! I’m not joking!!” 

-- You are so worn out you fell asleep at the dinner table. Your people brought over food and you took a few bites, then just dozed off. The girls didn’t notice but Frost did since he was there. He had to carry you in the bedroom and tucked you in. That’s when he decided he should speak up. The next day you heard about it:

“Y/N, you need help.”

“With what?”

“You’re exhausted: you’ll have your baby soon, you’re taking care of the girls and Mister J. There are so many of us, we can help you.”

“This is my family, my responsibility, got it?” you raise your voice, irked.

“I wasn’t suggesting otherwise,” Jonny pacifies your outburst. “But if you get sick, Mister J will kill us all.”

You bite on your nails and he has a suggestion:

“Would you prefer…just me to help with Mister J?”

You softly sigh, indirectly answering his question:

“It’s…it’s hard for me to turn him.” “I can do that,” he nods and you agree by not replying.

**************

“Here’s your new Princess,” you place the newborn on his chest, wrapping his arm around her and holding it in place since he can’t do it himself. “ She is absolutely adorable, don’t you want to see her?... … … Open your eyes and look at your daughter…No? Hm, that’s pretty heartless, even for you. Oh, wait, never mind, I have your heart, I forgot,” you look down the cleavage at your tattoo. “Still, this is no excuse…I decided on the name Amelia and we can go with Amy from there. If you don’t like the name, all you have to do is wake up and tell me so… … Going once, going twice….Amelia it is then,” you kiss the little head then his lips.

-- The triplets are mesmerized by the new addition to the family. They all want to hold her and be her favorite. They get in such fights and it drives you nuts, but in a good way.

“This is my sister!” Evie struggles to get in front of the line formed around the crib. (The crib is in the master bedroom because you want The Joker to hear his little girl.)

“No, she’s mine!” Mia slaps Evie’s hand, trying to climb inside.

“No-oooo, Amelia’s mine!” Emma takes over and the newborn fusses from the ruckus.

“Ssssttt, don’t wake her up!” you admonish the triplets and they listen, disappointed they can’t play with their new favorite toy.

-- When Amy cries at night, you gently kick J.

“It’s your turn, go!... … Don’t try to get out of it!... No?... You owe me big!” and you get out of bed, dragging your feet on the floor, wishing you could nap more than 2 hours at a time. “Your turn to be on diaper duty, Mister King of Gotham,” you point out, upset. “Don’t think I don’t know you are doing this on purpose to skip your turn! So rude…” you mutter, actually being upset because the new meds J is on don’t do too much so far and he’s still in a coma. Very frustrating. There is no cure for his disease, but at least you want him awake.

“You know what? I’m leaving you! I’m taking Amelia and the triplets and we’re out of here! See how you like to be alone!” you threaten, mad at everything, finishing up your task. You suddenly realize the heart monitor intensified its beeping and you freeze. You place her back in the crib and rush to his side. His chest is going up and down fast and you hold his hand, distressed.

“Did you hear me?... Baby, did you hear me?... We’re not leaving, I was just saying! Calm down, we’re not going anywhere…” you start kissing his face all over. It takes about 5 more minutes before the heartbeat goes back to normal.

The doctors couldn’t guarantee that his reaction was due to your ultimatum but they said it’s not impossible. That was the first feedback you ever got since the morning he didn’t wake up anymore.

-- You slide the wedding band on his ring finger, taking advantage of the state he’s in and you’re not even sorry.

“There, if you don’t want it, have the courage to say it to my face. If you don’t protest, I am thinking that you want it…Yes?... Well, then, you can keep it. Looks sexy on you, I must state the obvious here. … … Did you add Amelia to that list of yours? You should…unless she won’t make the cut either…I wish you would open your eyes to see how cute she is. Don’t you miss all of us? I assume you do but you are too stubborn to do something about it…” and you continue, briefing The Joker about the plans you’ve been working on for a while. “Tonight we raid “Excell” laboratories, they are experimenting on a medication I want for you… But the catalyst that it needs to be combined with it’s made in Japan; we’ll definitely get that one too as soon as possible. Don’t worry about a thing, I told you: you will live forever. Babysit the girls, ok? You’ll have help from our men, just in case…“

-- Your henchmen are scattered all over the building, scavenging everything they can get their hands on. You can’t be in there for too long; even if you took care of the alarm, you can’t risk lingering in the medical facility.

You broke into the lab alone and found what you needed; just stashed the vials in a suitcase when you realize you are being watched from the far corner of the room.

“Of course you would show up, you always know, don’t you?” you back out, pointing your gun at The Batman. He doesn’t say a word, but takes a few steps towards you.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” and that crazy grin on your face makes him halt. “We are getting out of here and I am taking this with me ! Don’t even dream about being a hero tonight!”

Suddenly, explosions are heard in the distance, and they are coming closer and closer until a big detonation shakes the building, making the windows crack.

“That was close,” you chuckle. “Across the street to be precise.”

Alarms start blaring in the background, turmoil and chaos fastly increasing on the streets.

“All the places were empty, consider it… a professional courtesy,” you growl, backing out more. “The next ones won’t be, I made sure of that. Do you want your precious Gotham citizens to die? If we don’t leave safe and unharmed, it all goes to shit!!!”

That mask hides any trace of emotion he might have but the distorted voice echoes in the lab.

“What you have it’s useless without the catalyst. Why bother?”

“I’ll get it somehow! Now stay there and don’t move or we blow up more!”

You exit the room, not turning your back on The Batman until he is out of sight.

**************

A week passed by and the medication from Japan that needs to be combined with what you stole from “Excell” laboratories is still not in your possession. You are running out of patience.

“Y/N, our courier from East Gotham dropped this box about an hour ago. It has your name on it; were you waiting for a shipment?”

“No,” you signal him to come on the porch. Amelia is in a small crib outside, sleeping, and the girls are having fun digging a big hole in the sand. “What is this?”

“Not sure, but he said he was given to him by our West Gotham courier.”

“Weird, I wonder what…” and your heart stops when you open the sealed box and see the small typed note on top of a metal container. “Consider it a professional courtesy.”

***************

J blinks a few times, wincing in pain, his mind cloudy and confused. He has no idea what’s going on and after being in a coma for months, he’s incapable of speaking or moving too much. He feels the weight on his chest and barely manages to look down, noticing his three month old daughter sleeping on him, sucking on her thumb. The Joker struggles to turn his head to his right to see you are sleeping also, still holding the book you read to him tonight, completely passed out with the triplets snuggled to your body.

His eyelids are so heavy that he gives in, having one single thought in mind before dozing off with the rest of his family:

I think I’m gonna live forever...

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist